Alyssa Walter

My Poor Neglected Blog

2011-12-05T16:31:00.002-05:00

Holy cow it has been FOREVER since I have updated this thing. For that, I apologize. My life has been in a crazy whirlwind of change these last few months. There are probably tons of things I could mention in this blog, but I will just hit the big changes for now.

1.) A couple blog posts ago I mentioned that I had one job, and there was a possibility of a second one around the corner. WELL... since August here is how this has gone down. I ended up getting 3 jobs in a matter of a few weeks. Hello craziness. And if you are thinking I was insane for doing that... you are right!

The first job: DEB.
The second job: Bashor Children's Home.
The third job: Nappanee Missionary Church.

I lasted about a month and a half with all three until I realized I was running myself down fast, so I quit at DEB. I absolutely love my job at the church. This place is my home and I always thought it would be fun to work here. I was right. :) As far as Bashor goes, right now I'm not sure how I feel about it. The opportunity that I have there is great! I love what this place is about, but it's tough. It is a great starter job for me in the psych field, but I'm not convinced it is the right fit for me. The job search continues.

2.) I moved! It happened pretty fast actually. As if November wasn't a crazy month already, this move made it insanely busy. One of my roommates from college and I are renting a small little house from her brother and sister in law. We have done quite a bit of work on it to make it our little home, but it's almost finished. It's nice to be out on my own, but it's kinda scary being a grown-up. haha. I'm learning what this kind of responsibility looks like. And can I just add that not living in Nappanee is quite the change. A good change I think, but an adjustment none-the-less.

3.) I'm going back to Mexico! In less than 2 weeks actually. It's a short little 5 day trip, but very excited for all that will take place during those 5 days. I'm more than ready to spread some Christmas joy to some of the less fortunate in the communities we will be visiting. And honestly, I'm just so super excited to go back and see everybody again. I miss the people there. I need to brush up on some of my Spanish :)

I think those are the main changes. There are so many question marks ahead of me, but I'm excited to see what God does with those!

30 Lessons for 30 Days

2011-10-01T10:11:00.003-04:00

For the month of September I decided to take a break from all internet social networking (except for email because I needed it) to kind of refocus my life. I took some time to write down the things that I learned over the last month. Some are slightly more serious than others :) These are in no particular order.

1.) I can survive without some type of media playing 24/7
2.) Unplugging from the media does help me to focus on the important things in life.
3.) The more time I make for God, the more I learn to trust Him, depend on Him, and truly call Him friend.
4.) "Don't settle for less than God's best!"
5.) God is the only secure thing I have in my life and I need to live my life believing that.
6.) God has a perfect plan for my life. His plan can only be carried out when I fully surrender mine.
7.) It is amazing how disconnected I feel from people after an extended period of time off of Facebook.
8.) When life gets crazy busy, nothing is more soothing than silence.
9.) Sometimes I expect my friends to do what God can do, which is probably why there are times that I expect God to fail me. My friends are not God. My God never fails.
10.) There is healing in the breaking.
11.) Freedom can only be experienced with daily surrender.
12.) The more I think about the faith of a child, and the innocence and joy they experience in life, the more I enjoy spending time with children. Sometimes I need to humble myself and learn from them every once in a while.
13.) I find that I struggle more with personal issues when I lose faith in the people in my life.
14.) I have an awful tendancy to expect people to think the worst of me - and Satan has everything to do with that.
15.) I don't think anything gets me more excited than thinking about the trips that I have been on and the possibility of trips to come.
16.) "Accept whatever He gives and give whatever He takes with a big smile. You belong to Him."
17.) "Inhale grace. Exhale gratitude."
18.) God likes to use my past to help other young women in the present - humbled.
19.) I'm excited about my small group this year. New group, fresh start. :)
20.) Juggling 3 jobs can be a bit tricky at times. Trying to find a healthy balance for life in general can be even trickier when trying to juggle jobs.
21.) A prayer is a powerful thing.
22.) Though I may have my dreams and desires, I cannot put my life on hold while I wait for them to happen. I am where I am for a purpose.
23.) You know you watch too much Law & Order when you take the dog for a walk out by the woods and expect to find a body. (I'm not a morbid thinker, i promise)
24.) Every day is chance to be a role model to someone who needs one. Every day is a chance to exemplify the heart of Christ to those who have never experienced it.
25.) I often have to remind myself how healthy and freeing forgiveness is.
26.) Transition has become a word that has defined my life lately. My attitude towards it is completely my choice. My attitude towards it will make or break what God is trying to teach me in the midst of it.
27.) It never hurts to do a little research on something you feel God is calling you to do.
28.) The more I think about everything that happened this past year, the more thankful I am for the people God put in my life for that season.
29.) Is it bad to have a favorite worship song? I have two. "Always" and "With Everything" are both songs that have resonated with me lately.
30.) After a month away from Facebook, the blog, Twitter, and any music that is not Christian or worship, I am ready to embrace the month of October and begin to weed out the things that no longer need to be in my life, as well as find a healthy balance for the things that I am bringing back into my life.

I Will Follow You

2011-08-23T10:44:00.005-04:00

One of the hardest things that I have had to face since graduating is saying goodbye to friends. Friends from college and friends from home. I think the part that makes it so hard is that they are all leaving and I am staying here. I feel like I'm missing out on something, like I'm left out of this big movement. Several of my friends from college, especially those who were psych majors with me, have moved off to grad school. 2 of my friends have dedicated their lives to missions this year. Sometimes it is easy to start getting selfish about it with the "why are you leaving me?" questions. Sometimes it is easy to get jealous about it because I want to leave and I want to do big things and better my life and better other peoples' lives. I have those dreams but they aren't happening right now. But more than anything I want my dreams to match up with God's plan for me.

I was reminded of a part of a book that I underlined a while back:

"He is not calling you to the same life that everyone else will live. He's not even calling you to the same path that every follower of Christ will walk. Your life is unique before God, and your path is yours and yours alone. Where God will choose to lead you and how God chooses to use your life cannot be predicted by how God has worked in the lives of others before you."

God has me where I am at for a reason. I just started a new job and may be getting a second one soon. It is being made clear to me that the people that have been put in my life are there for a reason, whether to help build me up and encourage me, or for me to help build up and encourage. I'm ready to start a new school year with the youth group and dive into new relationships. I'm ready to embrace staying here until God leads me elsewhere.

Where You go, I'll go. Where You stay, I'll stay. Where You move, I'll move. I will follow You!

Facing Your Giants

2011-08-18T22:55:00.002-04:00

Facing my GIANTS - looking back at my summer... this has been the theme.

I have been reading this book throughout the summer. The book is based off of David's life, the giants that he faced from beginning to end. David is one of my favorite Bible characters - someone that I not only feel I can relate to, but someone that I aspire to. Mostly, I, like David, want to be recognized as a woman after God's own heart.

This summer I have faced a great amount of my own giants, some bigger than others: Life-altering decisions, major transitions, family problems, the big question mark of my future, lies that I have been believing about myself for years - just to name some. I would like to say that, like David, I had the confidence & faith to conquer all of my giants this summer. The truth is I found myself in a crisis of faith. I was weak. I was worn down. Spiritually... I was dead. As a leader, that is one of the most discouraging places to be. So for the summer, I stepped out of any leadership responsibility.

The summer is coming to an end, and I am happy to say that I have gained a good amount of my spiritual strength back. I'm still in recovery mode, but God is bringing me back to LIFE. What lesson did I need to learn this summer to bring me back to hope & faith & joy?

GOD IS GOD AND I AM NOT!

I spent so much time & energy trying to be in control of everything; trying to get the outcome that I wanted to see. It took me not having anymore strength to fight to hear the truth of this verse:

"He must become greater; I must become less." - John 3:30

Today I claim this truth: I can't face my giants alone and I can't take them down with my own strength, but I know who can & who will fight with me. God is God... and I am not!

I Choose Truth

2011-07-08T15:03:00.002-04:00

This summer is a little different for me. For the first time since graduating from High School, I have removed myself from any leadership roles for the summer - which means no Wednesday night youth stuff, no trips, no summer camp. While it's a little weird not to be involved, so far it is proving to be a good break. My transition from college and just from last year in general to back home has been rough for me. So I am taking this summer to work on myself - not something that I like to do, but something that I know I need to do. I'm currently working through lies that I have been believing for years and trying to put Truth to them. I wanted to share some of the Truths that I am now clinging to. Maybe they will serve as blessings or reminders for you too.

1.) "Whom have I in heaven but You? I desire You more than anything on earth." - Psalm 73:25

2.) "I know that You can do anything and no one can stop You." - Job 42:2

3.) "The Lord is my shepherd, I have all I need." - Psalm 23:1

4.) "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that they testing of your faith produces perseverance." - James 1:2-3

5.) "We can rejoice when we run into problems & trials for we now that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope in salvation." - Romans 5:3-4

6.) "Charm is deceptive & beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised." - Proverbs 31:30

7.) "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." - Psalm 139:14

8.) "And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love; neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow - not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love." - Romans 9:38

9.) "We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin." - Romans 6:6-7

To The Parents...

2011-05-29T12:36:00.003-04:00

Every once in a while I will see something at church that has a powerful impact on my life, or at least serves as a powerful reminder. This morning I got two of those, but they kind of go hand-in-hand.

For the past several Sunday mornings we have been going through a series called "Hands On" - all about how we, as individuals, can make a significant impact for the Kingdom by stepping into someone's life, meeting them where they are at, and walking through life with them, short term or long term.

This morning we honored the seniors of the youth group. But before the Class of 2011 stepped up to the front of the room, there was a skit to demonstrate what "Hands On" is all about. A senior boy from the youth group stood up on stage, and in a voice over went through several people who at different stages of his life were "Hands On." These were the people who played a significant part in creating the young man that he is today. The first to the stage... his parents.

I will be the first to admit that I don't give my parents the credit that they are due, especially when it comes to me being the young woman that I am today. But when I think about it, they should be the first ones that come to mind. After all, they have had to put up with me for 22 years now. There are plenty of people that come to mind when I thing through my life and think about those who have had a significant influence in the person that I am today, but my parents were the first to instill my morals, my values, and the belief system that would later become my own and would later be cultivated and strengthened by those others who came along side me and were hands on in my life.

Being a small group leader, I have not only had the privilege to meet some of the parents of the girls that I have worked with, but I have had the opportunity to see the impact that those parents have made in my girls, some more positive than others. Parents play a vital role in who their kids are and who they become. I say that as a daughter, as a leader, as an individual who just graduated with her psychology degree. I say that to be an encouragement and as a challenge.

The second thing that I saw today was exactly what that skit exemplified. As we began the second set of worship, not far from where I was sitting sat a father with his two young kids. During one of the songs the father stood up to worship with his hands raised. Next to him stood his little girl, maybe 4 years old, with both of her hands raised like her daddy. Did she know exactly what she was doing? maybe not. But she knew she was doing what her daddy was doing. A perfect example of what this post is about.

So this is not only a recognition and thank you to my parents, but to all the parents out there. While I'm not a parent, I pray that when I become one sometime down the road, God willing, I will always remember what I saw today. And I pray for all the parents out there, whether a part of this "Hands On" journey at any of the venues that have been a part of it or not, that they will always remember the significance of their role in their childrens' lives.

Some Rain, a Gazebo, God, 2 Dogs, Sunshine, & a Rainbow

2011-05-25T10:52:00.002-04:00

The last month has been full of some significant wrestling for me. I'm still trying to learn how to come with the changes that are happening in my life... and i'm not doing great at it.

Yesterday was a pretty significant day of wrestling for me. By the end of the day I just needed some hope. If you know me, you know I love storms. I love going outside and playing in the rain. I love watching storms come in. I didn't even know it was supposed to rain last night. It was one of those deals where I was down in my room doing something and all of the sudden the smell of rain swept through our entire house.

I went and sat in our gazebo for a while. There is something so peaceful about listening to the rain and talking to God. I loved every minute of it.

Then my dogs came out to play. I spent a good amount of time running around with them in our backyard in the rain. Sometimes I forget how much of a blessing my dogs can be... they always seem to know how to bring some fun into my life when I need it :)

Soon enough the sun began to peak through the clouds again, the rain still falling from the sky. Sure enough I looked to the east and there was a beautiful rainbow. Well 2 actually. I stood in awe of it for a while and began to remember why God gives us rainbows.

Later I was talking to a friend and he made the comment "you know what rainbows are don't you?" I told him they are reminders of God's promises. He said "exactly! God knew you needed that reminder today. That rainbow was for you."

Last night was filled with a bunch of little blessings that I so often take for granted. I'm still wrestling... but I have hope.

Kenya: Salgaa

2011-05-20T13:27:00.005-04:00

Out of all the days that were spent in Kenya, Wednesday, April 6, 2011 will be the day that I remember most. Out of all the days that were spent in Kenya, this day was the emotional one for me. Salgaa, IDP camp, and visiting the AGC Baby Center's well and garden. For today... I will focus this blog on Salgaa.

I was looking forward to this day before we even left for Kenya. After all, Salgaa was the primary reason I felt called to go to Africa in the first place. While some of my team members woke up early to go for a morning walk, I woke up early this day to pray. I was anxious for what the day would bring, for what God had in store. I simply prayed that He would speak clearly and guide me in obedience in whatever I was supposed to do or whoever I was supposed to speak to there. All the way from the Baby Center to Salgaa I sat in silence. Not going to lie, I may have been a little scared. I kept thinking to myself "what if I get nothing out of this experience?" and "what if I don't hear God's voice through this?" I knew when we had arrived in Salgaa when we saw all of the trucks, such as this picture shows.

Salgaa is a popular truck stop and is known for the prostitution that takes place there. Women of all ages find themselves involved in this sex trade business. The younger women do it because they believe it is the best way to get money. In fact, from what we were told, the ministry working with the women is Salgaa doesn't try too hard to reach out to the younger women working as prostitutes because it is too hard to get them to change. That struck me because I would much rather work with the younger population. To say the least, that was a heartbreaking thing to hear on both ends of the spectrum. The older women work as prostitutes because it's almost a sure and easy way to get money to feed their kids. The women do not refer to themselves as prostitutes though because of the stigma that comes with it. If they come out at all about what they do, they refer to themselves as sex workers.

We drove into Salgaa and all shuffled into a tiny little room with about 10 other Kenyans for a Bible Study. Mostly this time was used to introduce ourselves and why we came to Kenya. The room that we were in is the room that is used to disperse medication to individuals in Salgaa who are HIV+. The reality hit as I looked a the list of individuals who are registered to get the medication every month. There were quite a few.

While we were all sitting in this little room, this young woman and her son came to join us. This is Mercy. I don't think I ever learned her son's name. Mercy used to live in Salgaa but recently moved on to the next truck stop. Mercy is very sick. When I think of Salgaa, her and her son are the first ones that pop in my head. I don't know much of anything about Mercy, but something about her and her son captured my heart. One thing that I did get to see is that she loves her son a lot. For being a single mom and a very sick mom, seeing that relationship was precious to me because you could tell that he loves and adores her too.

And I mean, look at that gorgeous smile of his. He was a precious part of our day.

After the Bible study we split into groups and went to visit some of the women in their homes, to sit and listen to their stories. I was pumped for this. We visited two homes. The first was Kristen's (wearing the black and white). She owns a coffee business and serves the truck drivers as they come throughout the night. The second women we visited was Jenny (wearing white). Jenny is newer to Salgaa and as we listened to her story, the reality of the hopelessness that surrounds this small village became clear. This seems to be where people end up when they have nowhere else to go. Two of the other girls in the picture are her daughters. From what i was told, neither of these women are involved in the prostitution. I was happy to hear that. I could have sat and listened to stories all day. I wanted to meet more women but we simply did not have the time to do so.

After the home visits we went to the church in Salgaa for the Womens Support Group. My group was the first to get there. We walked in and the women were all walking in a circle singing and worshiping in their traditional African chants. That was probably one of the coolest moments I experienced in Africa. We did a lot during this support group. The pastor started with sharing a Bible verse, then he had the women all introduce themselves. Margie went up and shared some things with the women since it had been almost a year since she left and came back to Indiana. Then our team went up and we all introduced ourselves.

Now... a couple days before going to Salgaa one of our team leaders asked for volunteers to share their testimony at this support group. I HATE speaking in front of people, but I knew this was a necessary step for me to take being that Salgaa was such an important part of the trip for me. However, the night before we went to Salgaa, pastor Mesh came over and was kind of prepping us for what we would experience and it sounded like our day was going to be packed and there wouldn't be time for testimonies and the team leader told me I probably won't be doing it so I could relax. Psh... why did I listen to her? :)

So I thought I was off the hook. After our team got through introducing ourselves I was ready to go sit down so I didn't have to be up front anymore. But no. My other team leader had to ask if they wanted testimonies. Next thing I knew I was standing up front alone. With Pastor Mesh as my translator. So I kinda winged it. It's a good thing I have had a lot more practice sharing my testimony recently. It actually went very well. Other than the fact that my eye contact sucks and i don't remember looking at anybody at all. I don't remember what I was looking at at all. ha. At the end of my testimony I shared why I came to Kenya. I shared how I felt God put Salgaa on my heart and how I was in the process of trying to figure out if I was being called there more long term to work.

After I shared, another teammate shared her testimony and then some of the women came up and shared about a project that they are currently doing to make some money. After that we handed out Bibles and blankets. After all of that was done the group time came to an end and that is when God did something really cool for me. About half of the women in the room came up to me and thanked me for sharing and told me they want me to come back. WHAT?! I needed that encouragement but i wasn't expecting it to come like that. God is kinda cool like that I guess :) THEN two of the pastors both pulled me aside separately and thanked me for sharing. They told me that it is good for these women to hear that Americans go through hard times too and that they like to hear that others can relate to them in some way. Then they both told me they would love to see me come back and work in Salgaa and that they would be praying along with me for guidance in that. How awesome is that?

When we left the church I had to get a picture of this. I am taller than the door. I will never be able to say that ever again I am sure of it.

All in all, Salgaa was an amazing experience. There were times of heartbreak and times of rejoicing. I can't say that i have a clear direction on whether I will be going there long term or not, but I definitely want to go back. All the while... I continue to pray for guidance and direction and patience.

Think Positive...

2011-05-15T20:48:00.002-04:00

I'm in some kind of crappy mood today but i am trying to remind myself to think happy thoughts so...

Things that made this weekend great:

Going to a softball game on Thursday night with Kendra, my "old" roommate

Being surprised by Serena, another "old" roommate, who came to the game too... who was there to surprise me and her fiance... LOVED IT!

Spending the night with Kendra and Serena and working on wedding stuff

Going to Woodview with Serena on Friday to meet her fiance's class and have a pizza party... and seeing teachers that have been there since i have been there... crazy!

Spending the night at Kirsten's house on Friday: movies, hot tub, good conversation, finally hearing about PacRim, gaining 10 lbs from all the junk food, trying my first wings from Bdubs (and i liked them!), and two bags full of free clothes that she was gettin rid of... AWESOME!

Spending my Saturday with Kirsten, lazy morning, watching Brandon get prom pics taken with friends, and shopping.

Knowing that Kayla Koontz will soon be home (tonight)

Uploading thousands of pictures from everybody's cameras from Africa (currently)

Yup... thinking positive.

Kenya: Orphans

2011-05-05T09:33:00.006-04:00

Our first full day in Nairobi we went to two different orphanages. For as much as we could prepare ourselves, we did. But you can never fully prepare yourself for what you actually see and the things that you actually experience. We were in for one very long day and one very crazy emotional roller coaster ride.

First we went to Methare. Methare is one of the biggest slums in Kenya. I don't know how many orphanages are actually in this area, but I imagine that there is a number of them. We went to the Good Samaritan Orphanage. Just to give you a mental picture of my first impression of the slum, I will try to describe our walk to the orphanage. We had to park across the street from the slum because it is nearly impossible to drive through it. We parked at a gas station and the road between it and the slum was ridiculously busy. Like pretty much you are praying that someone will stop and not kill you as you cross the street - that kind of busy. Once we got across the street we entered an entirely different world. We Walked through tons of trash and extremely uneven ground. Kids came up to us from all directions saying "how are you? how are you?" over and over in their cute little kid voices... it's pretty safe to say that is all they knew how to say in English. As we walked down the first road we passed a number of shacks, used both as "stores" and as homes. The word "Mzungu" was not uncommon to hear as we were walking. (it means white person).

When we got to the orphanage, we went into a room where the kids do their schooling. The room was packed of kids, orphans of all ages, from little babies to upper teens.

They sang a couple songs for us first, then we did a Bible story for them - the Armor of God - and then colored with them.

During the Bible story I found these three little cuties sitting in the back corner.

The two girls crawled up on my lap as soon as i sat down. Their facial expressions were priceless the whole time i was playing with them. I have plenty of pictures to show that. But they were such precious little children.

Two minutes after I put them down so they could color I experienced the most heartbreaking thing probably of the entire day for me. I turned around to see how they were doing and saw both girls sitting in puddles. They had both gone to the bathroom right after I sat them down. After I took a second and thanked God that they waited, I nearly broke down in tears as I watched them play in it, smiling and laughing. WHAT!? and nobody did anything. I picked each of them up and moved them away from the puddles so they didn't keep playing in it, but that's all I could do. I had nothing to clean them up with. They didn't have diapers on. I felt so helpless. It's a picture that I will never forget.

After the coloring, we passed out peanut butter sandwiches to the kids, who went crazy with excitement. They even got seconds. For me that moment was special. Knowing that their meals are nothing like I get everyday, and they got so excited over a peanut butter sandwich, something that I would probably pass up because I hate peanut butter... I think a reality hit in that moment. How much do I take for granted?

Anyways after the sandwiches we went outside and did bubbles. For some reason they gave me, the shortest one on the team, one of the things of bubbles. As you can see in this picture, the kids were not much shorter than I was. And they turned into monsters: grabbing at me, jumping on me, trying to grab the bubbles, trying to take the wand out of my hand, pushing other kids out of the way so they could blow the bubbles. Holy cow! It was fun though.

The second orphanage we went to was Huruma. This orphanage is much more well off. It wasn't in the slum, but instead surrounded by a beautiful landscape. Huruma is home to about 150 children, ran by one woman, Mamma Zippora.

Her story is incredible. She started the place with her husband and took in 7 children. Since then her husband has passed away and obviously she has gained many more children. She might have a couple more helpers come in during the day to help, but she could still use so much more. We actually got to tour this home. The kids grabbed our hands and took us through. 4 bedrooms. 4. 150 kids. WHAT!? they average 3 to 4 kids to a bed. Reality check number 2. I couldn't even share a room with my sister when we were growing up.

We spent the afternoon playing with the kids. They have so little. But they looked so happy. This orphanage may not be the best, there is still so much more that they need, but they seem content. They have a huge backyard to run and play in. A beautiful school. Mamma Zippora does her best to raise them right. Beautiful hearts. Beautiful smiles. AND they spoke English so we could actually talk to them, unlike at the Good Samaritan orphanage. Finally... I will let these girls capture your heart. :)

Who are you? Where are you going?

2011-05-02T20:55:00.004-04:00

The morning was full of anxiety and tears. Graduation day had come whether I felt ready or not. Truth is I was scared. My fear wasn't in making a fool of myself up on stage but in knowing that after the ceremony the rest of my life begins. And I would have been perfectly fine if I knew what that looks like. But I have no clue. I don't think I have ever needed patience like I do right now.

The speaker during commencement, John Huffman Jr., spoke on two specific questions: "Who are you?" and "Where are you going?" When he first mentioned them, I am not sure what I actually did, but what I wanted to do was slouch down in my chair and tune him out. These are the exact two questions that I have been wrestling with for quite some time now. I listened and even got a little teary eyed. I don't particularly like the spot that I am in right now.

So it's a few days after graduation and every person that I encounter seems to ask the same question "so what's next?" and I feel like my responses are getting more and more rude (if you get a rude response from me... i'm sorry). I have no clue what is next. I have no clue where I am going from here. Right now I don't even know if I could full out tell you who I am or what my passions are anymore. So much has changed. And I know, I know, this isn't necessarly a bad thing. I know all the church answers: who I am in Christ and God has a plan for my life and trust Him and I'm sure that God has me right where he wants me as I search out all of these answers, but for right now I hate it. Consider this control issue # 3482098 in my life (random number... but probably closer to true than i would like to admit). Just feelin a bit discouraged at the moment I guess.

Aside from all of that... I am happy to be done. Despite the discouragement, I am excited to see what is next... I just hope that comes real soon before I go crazy :) Until then... I will be praying for patience and guidance.

The Memories: Senior Year Edition

2011-05-01T08:33:00.002-04:00

I'm graduating today. WHAT!? doesn't seem right to say. How in the world did i make it to today? Holy cow... I AM GRADUATING TODAY!!! This week has been majorly weird for me. I finished Monday and the rest of my week has been crammed full of friends. Not a bad thing... but this introvert is exhausted.

Anyways... so the memories. In all of my years being in school, starting in Kindergarten, I have never had a year that has been so up and down emotionally and spiritually. I don't have time to share every little memory, but I will share the key ones that made this year what it was.

Technically my senior year started with a trip to the Dominican Republic. A great trip that was. Loved my team. Loved my social work site. Loved the people. Love my entire experience!

Family - Family fell apart, felt like life was falling apart. Well it kind of was. Being away and at school has its benefits, but still not easy by any means. The stress and the hurt that was experienced through this played into everything else that my senior year consisted of. I think things are getting better for the most part. Still praying. But I do know one thing... I have grown a ton because of this, spiritually and personally. Thank you God for bringing me through.

Small Group - I was blessed to have a SMALL group this year. Between everything that I was going through and some of the issues that the group faced this year individually, it's been rough. That's one of those things that I have no other choice but to look back on and thank God for getting us through. I believe that I am a better and stronger leader now because of the happenings of this year.

Internship - Interning at Hannah's House was a beautiful experience and a heartbreaking one; a good one and a frustrating one. It ended on a frustrating note for me personally, and I don't miss it all that much, BUT everytime I drive past the street I think about those girls. Each of them that I worked with will always have a special place in my heart. Wish I could keep tabs on them... I would love to see their babies all grown up and see how well they adjust to their new life. All I can do is pray that they will be blessed.

Friends - All around I would say it has been a rough year in this category. Probably have myself to blame for that one. I think I expected too much from my friends as I was going through the rough patches and for the most part that ended up putting greater distance between us than bringing us closer together. However, this year God has put a few significant friends in my life and for that I will be forever thankful.

A Whisper, A Couple Impressions, and A Burden: RESCUE, no grad school, different job, and Salgaa - yup these words right here describe a life of change that I was not expecting, but I am ready to go where He leads. Currently not sure where that will be in my future... but my trip to Africa at the beginning of April was a result of this. A post on that trip later, but I am excited to see where God takes me on this journey.

My final week and a half - came back from Africa and hit the ground running. So much to do, so little time. I don't even know how I got it all done among being sick, completely exhausted, and overly stressed. All I know is God is faithful when I am obedient. He got me through somehow :)

Graduation - I find myself here today. It's today. I was told my 4 years at Bethel would fly by, but I never believed that. Well... i do now. I don't feel like I should be graduating today. don't get me wrong... I am more than happy to be done. And i worked my butt off to get to this day. It's just weird. Today I will get all dressed up, put on that ugly black gown and that silly graduation cap, walk across a stage in front of LOTS of people and pray that I don't trip or fall, get my diploma, take lots of pictures, and breathe a deep sigh of relief.

The reality is there are several things going through my head today. Thinking about everything that has made me who I am, that molded me into the person I have become. I must admit I am more emotional today that I would like to be. But God is good. Not looking forward to saying goodbyes. Anyways... the big ceremony is this afternoon. I should probably start getting ready. OH MY GOODNESS... I'M GRADUATING.

The Memories: Junior Year Edition

2011-05-01T00:03:00.002-04:00

One thing comes to mind when I think of Junior Year: RESEARCH METHODS. It consumed my life. Countless nights in the library, several all-nighters, and lots of tears and doubts that I would ever actually make it through. Thank God for friends who were experiencing the exact same thing that I was. It is this class that truly sets psych majors apart from everybody else... and there are few who know or even care what you are going through. I grew to appreciate my psych friends during this year. We were each others support group... and we got each other through. Yes... I survived research methods!

Ok so my junior year also held some other memories. To name a few:

Kendra being an RA - even though i didn't have time to socialize, I got to meet new people all the time because of my roommate being an RA. I met Karli Saner this way... looking back it is cool to see how God could take a girl who used to terrify me (sorry Karli) and turn her into a great friend of mine. Awesome!

Personality Theories - another class that kicked my butt during the fall semester of my junior year. Trying to come up with my own personality theory + trying to write my research methods paper = Alyssa goes crazy. Thank God for amazing professors who extend just enough grace to keep me sane. I got through the class just fine.

Kayla Koontz - the reality of last year is this: there is zero way I would have survived school and being a small group leader for the size of the group that I had if I did not have Kayla by my side. Kayla was my senior student leader and whether she will take credit for this or not, she played a big part in keeping me sane in times where I just wanted to quit. God knew I needed her by my side. I love that girl sooooooooo much!

Junior/Senior Get Away - went to Chicago with the junior and senior classes for the evening. spent the evening the with roommates. much needed fun bonding time between the four of us.

I was more than relieved to get my junior year done and over with. I survived!!! :)

The Memories: Sophomore Year Edition

2011-04-30T15:30:00.004-04:00

There are not many specific memories that I have from my sophomore year, but I have a few:

1.) My roommate, Ali, had a world map hanging on the wall by her bed. Occasionally we would pick a random country and research it. Found some funny things, some sad things, some awesome things that made the country unique. I miss those times. I miss Ali.

2.) I don't have any of our videos from this year on my computer, but this was for sure the year of ridiculous roommate videos and lots of laughs.

3.) Musical of the year: Rent. Hate the content. Love the music.

4.) Sophomore year was when I began secluding myself from the fun college life to study... ALL THE TIME.

Anyways... yeah... this is my sophomore year.

Loved my roommates (Kendra, Ali, & Danna)

New neighbors. New friends.

Ugly Christmas Sweaters

Loved our crazy times together

Nights of Christmas Decorating

The beginning of our roommate Christmas tradition

Halloween watching the Notre Dame drumline

Some Halloween fun

Bethel Scavenger Hunt

Movie Adventures

The Transition

2011-04-14T20:07:00.002-04:00

I have got to say I am not enjoying this transition back to my crazy life after 11 days away in Africa. The good news... only 2 tests, 2 papers, 1 project, and 2 finals until I am freed from scholastic responsibility (other than graduation stuff) and then i can share all about my trip. Well... some of it at least. yup. until then... peace!

It's Today! It's Today!

2011-04-01T07:21:00.003-04:00

Well that flew by. I remember when I applied for this trip it seemed like it was forever away. But... IT'S HERE! I even got in a couple hours of quality sleep last night! :) clearing my mind today will be the tough part. I am currently thinking through all of the pros and cons of leaving the country for 11 days at the end of my senior year in college. (kinda late... i know) haha. But this trip is totally worth it. I'm getting to do something that I never really expected to do (but i wanted to). I'm going with a great team! And I believe that God has so much in store for this trip. I'm readily anticipating everything. Leaving this morning at 11:30 - be back Monday evening. Until then... Some things to be praying for:

The Team: Dan, Dana, Talia & Carson Jacobs, Tracy Bussard, Kelsey Christner, Margie Helmuth, Tony & Anne Hemminger, Tonia Rensberger, Michelle & Richelle Sharick, Linna Sommers, and me

Safe travels

That God will speak clearly in and through each of us

For the Holy Spirit to move in a mighty way

For courage and obedience

Pray against Satan and his evil schemes

Pray that we will be able to disconnect from what is happening back home and fully connect with what God is up to while we are there

For our travel back home and debrief - that what we learn and what we see in Africa doesn't stay in Africa.

3 Days

2011-03-29T22:04:00.002-04:00

"What if where you are is setting you up for where you are supposed to go?" This week is the Deeper Life Conference here at Bethel and this morning our speaker, Efrem Smith, made the statement above. It caught my attention. I have been doing a lot of thinking and wrestling lately about my life and where I am at right now as I deal with some personal things, prepare for Africa, think about graduation and then who knows what my future holds, and sometimes it is just easy to be blinded by what I am currently going through. (i don't think I am alone in that.) I was reminded today that my life, my purpose, is not about what I am going through in the here-and-now, but rather where God wants to take me because of it. If that isn't motivation to keep pressing forward, I dont' know what is. As the days pass and my trip gets closer and closer, I get more and more excited. It's still a bit surreal. As i think about packing, though we have a list, I still don't know what I am doing. ha. I start packing tomorrow, should be a good time. :) On a happy note, I am getting things done and being productive in the midst of craziness and excitement. I can do this!

The Countdown Begins: 5 Days

2011-03-27T15:14:00.005-04:00

There are a lot of things that are going through my head surrounding this trip. Most of which I will try to blog about before I leave (no promises I will hit every day). Today's thoughts will come from my Impact journal. We started our devotions for the trip today. Today's was comprised of 4 questions to simply get us thinking about the trip. What excites you most about this GI trip? - I am most "excited" about going to Salgaa. I don't know that excited is a good word to put there. I don't even know that I am entirely ready to experience Salgaa. But I do know that I am anxious to go and I am anticipating that day. What are you biggest fears concerning the GI trip? - Right now it is the food. That's always a fear that I have going on a trip, whether i stay here in the US or leave the country. I wrote in my journal "I wish I was normal and liked food and was good at trying new things." yeah... if food wasn't necessary I would be a-ok! I will be fine... always seem to make it through... but it is something that i will invite you to pray for :) What do you hope to see happen on this GI trip? - I want to see God work in my life, my team, and those we encounter. I want to see lives transformed. I want to see God in a new way. What are you praying for while you prepare, while you are on site, and after you return home? - Preparing: I am praying for peace in the midst of great amounts of stress leading up to take-off. I am praying for energy and motivation to get everything done that needs to be done before I leave. I am praying for strength to fight Satan's attacks as I know full well that he will do everything in his power to mess me up in these next 5 days. (a pattern that i have noticed from other trips). - While there: I am praying that God will show up in a very real way in my life, for my team, and for the others we encounter. I am praying that while I am there God will give me a clear direction of His calling in my life. I am praying for divine appointments. I am praying that we, as a team, and as individuals, will be stretched and changed as a result. I am praying for obedience. - Home: I am praying that I will not be the same person that I was when I left. I am praying that the adjusment right back into my final 1 1/2 weeks of school will go somewhat smoothly and I will be able to finish everything else that needs to get done. I am praying that the processing of what will happen in Africa will not end in Africa, but that I continue to work through it when I get home. Yup. 5 days. Good stuff. Right now I am anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, and yet at peace. Praying that these 5 days go fast, but even in the midst of these 5 days that I will not miss divine opportunities that God places in front of me. But still... Friday cannot get here fast enough. :) I'm ready to fly! P.S. I invite you to join me in praying if you so feel led.

Thoughts Going Through My Head

2011-03-22T15:10:00.003-04:00

I can't believe I leave in 10 days for Africa!
I still have TONS to do!
I don't take enough time in my life to thank God for His blessings every day
How am I not in panic mode yet to get things done?
Simple... Not Easy has taken many different meanings in my life as of lately
Technically after I come back from Africa I only have 1 1/2 weeks of classes left of my college career. WHAT THE CRAP?!?
What am I gonna be when I grow up?
I would like to know what God is going to do with my summer, cause I sure don't know anything right now.
Worship music improves my mood by like 50 x's
Though my psych profs have kicked my butt over the years, I am truly blessed to have each of them in my life.
Everytime I see a plane flying in the sky I daydream about being on it... I have a feeling that will change in 10 days when I am sitting in one for FOREVER
I really want to meet someone who has multiple personalities
Witnessing a 5 gallon bag of milk explode all over the place this morning at work probably completed my bucket list of things to do at SG before graduating - messy but awesome!

Simple... Not Easy

2011-03-08T17:21:00.003-05:00

After the revival, Bethel staff members decided that we need to take next steps, so they created multiple discipleship groups for us to pick from if we wanted to. I chose this group - Simple... Not Easy - led by Ted Bryant - for several reasons.

1.) I recognized my need to be challenged and maybe kicked in the butt
2.) I have a lot of respect for Ted as a professor, a Psych prof at that, but also as a person.
3.) I know Ted well enough to know that he will challenge me and "kick me in the butt" when I need it
4.) This is my last semester here at Bethel and the only other thing that I have done to really get involved on campus is go on a Task Force trip. I needed to get plugged in with a group of other students that I can grow with, learn from, and hopefully impact myself.
5.) I recognized my need to do something separate from my friends. This is it.

Simple... Not Easy. For me, the challenge is already beginning. Good-bye comfort zone! Hello Jesus!

The Memories: Freshman Ed. - Pictures

2011-03-06T07:15:00.005-05:00

New Friends!!!

Block 5

The Memories: Freshman Year Ed. - Hello Hospital

2011-03-03T11:57:00.002-05:00

Freshman year I had an experience that I will never forget and I pray I never have to experience again! It was the week after Christmas break and one morning I woke up to this incredible pain in my side. I got up, took some advil, and tried to go back to sleep. didn't work. The pain got worse throughout the morning and I tried to curl myself up into a ball as much as I could just to get comfortable. Still didn't work. I was getting shaky and weak. Eventually I went to get my RD and we headed to the hospital. That car ride seemed forever long as I struggled to find any comfortable position.

Got to the hospital and they put me in a room in the ER so i could get some tests done. By this time I was not keeping anything down and so dehydrated. it was no bien! I had to drink this nasty chalky tasting stuff in order to get scanned so they could find what was wrong with me. it took forever to keep anything down, but they luckily found a small window of time that it worked... just long enough to do the scan... that was not a fun day.

anyways... kidney stone. Who knew something so small could make you feel like you were dying?! STUPID!

Due to dehydration, they admitted me into the hospital for an overnight stay. The pain lasted until late in the evening. They pumped so much vicodin through my IV that I eventually started hallucinating... well at least once. I still think what I saw was legit. ha. my friends got a good laugh out of it at least. I got no sleep that night as nurses kept coming in to check on me like every hour. also zero fun.

The next morning I was feelin great! I got up to put my clothes back on only to discover that I had gained about 10 lbs in water weight thanks to the liquids they were pumpin into my body over night. yeah that was zero fun too. luckily i got rid of that soon enough :)

That was enough hospital excitement for me. I vowed to stay out until I have a baby... or something. ha.

7 Random 7's

2011-02-20T23:32:00.004-05:00

In reply to Kristy's challenge, I give you 7 random 7's (well... a couple 6's)

7 songs I've been listening to a lot these days:

The Greatness of Our God by Natalie Grant
You Are Good by Kari Jobe
Revelation Song by Kari Jobe
Give Me Faith by Elevation Worship
Love Me by JJ Heller
Lead Me To The Cross by Francesca Battistelli
Our God Is Love by Hillsong

7 places in the world I've always wanted to visit:

Ireland - to experience it's beauty and other alternative motives... aka... find my future husband... jk jk... but it's a good thought
Africa - a couple reasons: 1.) my friends tell me it's amazing 2.) animals 3.) a different kind of mission field
Australia - for the experience
Hawaii - who doesn't?
Haiti - ok i haven't always wanted to visit but I think since the earthquake and since being on the other half of the island over the summer, I really want to go experience for myself how different it is than the DR and in Kristy's words, not for vacation or sightseeing purposes
Disney World - totally for vacation purposes!!!
China - I don't think i would enjoy the food all that much, but I have always thought it would be an interesting place to visit

7 Things I've dreamed of doing someday:

Having my own place
Getting married, starting a family
Being Alyssa: the counselor, with my own little office and plaques of accomplishments on my wall
sky diving
bungee jumping
traveling the world
eating normal food like normal people... sounds crazy... i wish i wasn't such a picky eater

7 Favorite games of all time:

hide-n-seek
ticket to ride
"the kicking game" - game my dad made up and used to play with us in our back yard
dandelion races - another game played with my dad at the park
"the color game" - played with my grandma in her front yard as cars drove by
phase 10
scream-o

7 favorite verses:

James 1:2-3
Psalm 139
Proverbs 3:5-6
John 15:16
Psalm 46:10
2 Timothy 2:2
Romans 8:38-39

7 books I love to read over and over: (actually 6... i don't read much lol)

Bible
Crazy Love by Francis Chan
The Barbarian Way by Erwin McManus
Chasing Daylight by Erwin McManus
A Snoodle's Tale - Veggietales
Fearless - Max Lucado

7 books that have deeply challenged me (some repeats): (6 again)

Bible
Crazy Love by Francis Chan
The Barbarian Way by Erwin McManus
Chasing Daylight by Erwin McManus
Forgotten God by Francis Chan
God On Mute by Pete Greig

God Moves

2011-02-17T17:00:00.003-05:00

So I can't just not blog about what happened here yesterday. It started out like any other day for me: wake up at 6, get ready, spend time with Jesus, head to Sufficient and grab some food, and work until chapel.

Earlier this week I started wrestling through some deep issues that I have had for a while as I started sharing them with a friend. Satan was really eating at me and yesterday morning as I was journaling I just simply asked God to show me His greatness because I needed something to pick me up.

Fast forward to chapel. Through the month of February and March we are doing Testimonies of Triumph on Wednesdays, where either faculty or someone from the community comes in and shares their story. Yesterday it was a guy who used to come to Bethel. Jeff Kling is an ordinary guy with an extraordinary story of how God grabbed ahold of his life 16 months ago when he was laying in the hospital after a surgery for his skin cancer. God worked a miracle in his life, stole his heart and cured his cancer (the story is much longer and much more powerful than this... this is just a very short overview).

At the end of chapel he didn't know how to end it, nor did Dennis, so they just opened it up for God to move. And He did. Students started flooding to the altar, followed by Dennis inviting those up who had a word from God to share. Powerful stuff. I had gone up to pray over a friend. Little did I know that God was about to work in my heart as well.

Well, long story short, yesterday was the beginning of freedom for me. God has put some significant people in my life to join me on that journey. And without a doubt, He made His greatness known.

Chapel lasted about 8 hours yesterday, took a break, and started back up again in the evening. today sports teams have been meeting and praying together, and right now a "mini" worship service is going on. I'm headin there now. All this to say... God is good. And He is on the move. Praying that we, as a campus, will continue to take steps forward in faith days from now, weeks, months, and years. Praying that we will never be the same.

The Memories: Freshman Ed. - Sweet & Salty

2011-02-11T16:23:00.002-05:00

The first week of my freshman year I started my new job at Sufficient Grounds. I believe it was in that first week... or at least toward the beginning of my experience there that I experienced my most embarrassing moment at SG.

The story goes something like this:

Long long ago we used to make a variety of cookies at SG: sugar, chocolate chip, peanut butter, etc... Well this particular day we were making sugar cookies and my manager was showing me the clear sugar sprinkles that they put on the cookies. WELL... when she was showing me those she didn't point to the sprinkles... she pointed to the salt. I didn't think anything of it. Yes... I salted a whole batch of sugar cookies. Luckily one of my fellow employees figured it out before we actually gave them to people. So we had to throw all of the cookies away and start over.

Oh the memories...

The Memories: Freshman Ed. - Epic Fall

2011-02-07T16:45:00.003-05:00

Every winter right outside of Shupe a path of footprints is created through the snow as a shortcut to the back parking lot. My freshman year I walked this path often so i could get to Sufficient Grounds faster... and if I were being honest... to avoid people. Anyways... one evening Kendra and I went to get drinks for us and our friends and we chose to take this path. This particular night it was icy madness so i thought I would be cool and try to run on it without falling. The first round I was perfect. Coming back holding 3 drinks in my hands (2 in a drink holder, one in my hand) and trying to do it... well... not so much. I did well until we were about 20 feet from the Shupe door. I don't even know what happened but one minute I was up and walking, the next I found myself laying on the ground in a puddle of smoothy stickiness and Kendra laughing at me. The best part was the drinks in the cup holder are the ones that exploded. The drink I was holding in my hand was perfectly fine. i'd say that takes talent. I then had to get up and take the walk of shame down my Shupe hallway with smoothy all down my backside. Sweet. A moment that Kendra will never let me forget. I have to admit, it was funny!

Kenya: Meet the Team

2011-02-06T13:32:00.002-05:00

Had my first team meeting this morning at church for my trip to Kenya. Our meeting was a whole lot of info and more of an informal intro to everybody on the team. I think I knew or was at least familiar with about everybody who was there today, which is a little more comforting. To be honest I can't say that the fact that I am going is real to me yet. But everytime I talk about the trip it sparks a new emotion. 2 big ones for me right now: excited and anxious/nervous.

Excited:
I have always wanted to go to Africa, even before the Baby Center came about. The place has adventure written all over it. Seriously, who hasn't ever wanted to go? But more than that now, I am excited to experience what many others have (kind of) and I am excited to have an experience of my own. I'm tired of just hearing stories about the babies, the women of Salgaa, the kids from Mathare, etc... I want to make it personal... put faces to stories and issues. I'm most excited about our time in Salgaa, to meet the women and hear their stories. Overall I'm just excited about everything that we are doing!

Anxious/Nervous:
It's a new experience. Like I said, I have always heard stories but never have been there before so there is always that fear factor of something new. I'm nervous about the food. I don't even like most American food so adapting to another culture's food is never something that comes easy to me. The fact that I'm missing 7 days of school and jumping right back in when we get back makes me anxious, even though I'm making sure I get everything done for the week I am gone and the week I get back. And overall I'm just anxious to see what God has in store for me as I prepare for this trip and as I am there.

It's crazy that it's coming so fast. I'm trying to keep myself grounded and focus on the here and now rather than project my focus to the time we leave. I don't wanna miss the opportunities in between. Praying that God will be the guide of my focus these next couple months leading up to the trip.

25 Random Things

2011-02-02T01:32:00.002-05:00

1.) I'm real excited to have a free Wednesday to relax this week! thank you SNOW DAY!
2.) My car is probably out sitting in the parking lot with a flat tire... again
3.) Just came back from a [shh... don't tell] dance party in the basement. It was ok.
4.) I still like watching VeggieTales.
5.) I still remember at least one of my cheerleading dances from 7th grade.
6.) I HATE public restrooms.
7.) My favorite flavor of ice cream is mint chip
8.) I don't drink coffee, but i work at a coffee shop
9.) I wish I was more musical than what I really am. I tried the guitar... my fingers are too small. I tried the piano... i can play a tiny little bit. I really wanna try the drums but I already know that I can't tell my hands to do separate things. Sigh...
10.) My birthday occassionally falls on Thanksgiving.
11.) My favorite number is 22.
12.) I don't eat veggies
13.) In 4th grade I wanted to play football with my [boyfriend] and his friends at recess. My [boyfriend] picked me last. I showed all those boys up! Yeah... I was a star.
14.) I don't think I have thrown a single card away that I have received from the day I was born to now.
15.) I am graduating in 3 months. CRAZY!
16.) I got my first [boyfriend] in kindergarten
17.) I can't sleep on my back
18.) I don't have any favorite sports teams, but 3 things are certain: I DISLIKE the colts! I DISLIKE Notre Dame! I DISLIKE the Cubs!
19.) I won the lip-sync contest in Jesus Freaks my 6th grade year.
20.) My favorite colors are blue, green, & pink.
21.) Rascal Flatts is still my favorite band
22.) My heart is drawn toward the broken hearted
23.) My roommates make me laugh... a lot
24.) I can't whistle. kendra yells at me when I try. dream crusher she is!
25.) I was named after an imaginary girl on Little House on the Prairie.

The Memories: Freshman Ed. - Move In Day

2011-01-31T15:07:00.002-05:00

I remember the day I moved to Bethel freshman year quite well. It was raining... of course. And hot. On my way here I was getting restless. I was more than ready for some independence. I knew one of my roommates, but not the other. I was anxious to meet new faces and make new friends. As we moved my stuff into good ole' Shupe I soon realized that A.) I had too much stuff. B.) my roommate had too much stuff. C.) my other roommate didn't have much stuff at all D.) We were going to have an interesting year together. & E.) I was surrounded by people that I already knew. Kendra Stutzman was my neighbor to my left and Megan Cunningham was my neighbor to my right. And some others scattered throughout the building. I wasn't too happy about it at first... later in the year I learned to be thankful for familar faces.

Move in day was... well... it was fun after everything was in place. I enjoyed getting to know everybody, especially my block. And naturally... the good-bye at the pond... my mom cried. Shocker. :) Her little girl was all grown up and out of the house. This should make graduation in May a fun fun fun time! :)

A New Series

2011-01-30T17:08:00.002-05:00

I have been waiting for the 60 Days of Beauty Project to finish up so I can start my new series. I call it - The Memories: [Freshman, Sophomore, Junior, Senior] Ed. As my time at Bethel comes to an end, I thought it would be fun to relive some of the memories that I'm sure I will not soon forget. It will be a good time!

I don't have time to start now. Maybe tonight. If not, tomorrow for sure.

Beauty Project - Day 60 - Part 2

2011-01-29T19:48:00.002-05:00

Tonight we have a couple kids staying with us that my mom used to babysit. I told Brelynn, 7, that I was going to be going to Africa in April and my mom added that I was going to be helping with little orphan babies. Brelynn's response:

"Aw. I wanna go to Africa and see babies. Are they nice to the babies? Who do they give them to? Do they treat the babies nicely?"

Never would I have expected that response to come out of the mouth of a 7-year-old. Beautiful is the compassionate heart that God has given her!

Beauty Project - Day 60 - Finding Beauty

2011-01-29T12:56:00.002-05:00

This project was introduced by Derry at a time in my life that was anything but beautiful in my eyes. Heartache and confusion consumed my life. God has been doing some pretty significant amounts of work in my life since then and I believe that the beauty project has played a huge part in that. So...

Thanks Derry for the idea and inviting others to join you in this 60 day journey!
Thanks God for using this 60 day project to bring me out of an ugly time in my life!

The past 60 days have been beautiful. I look forward to many more.

Beauty Project - Day 59 - A Break

2011-01-29T12:44:00.003-05:00

Last night we did an overnighter with a few girls who went on the GO trip last summer. Knowing that I had a lot to get done, I wasn't all too excited about going last night, but it turned out to be exactly what I needed after a long week. I just needed a break from work, from homework, from Bethel. And we had a good time last night. It was good to reconnect with some girls from the team!

Beautiful are the fun nights at the end of crazy weeks!

Beauty Project - Day 58 - Wrestling

2011-01-29T12:24:00.002-05:00

This week was a hard one for me. I find myself really struggling with the fact that I don't know what I am doing after I graduate or what my future holds. I wrote the following on a piece of paper as I was trying to get some homework done on Thursday morning.

I feel like I am in a couple wrestling matches right now against both, Satan and God. I feel like I'm in the ring with Satan, blindfolded. I can't see him, but I can hear him. I hear the lies that he feeds into my life that I so easily accept that fill me with doubt and questions about things that God has already confirmed. And God continues to affirm me as I battle Satan. He stands outside the ring and cheers me on, encouraging me, challenging me, and empowering me. When i can't fight anymore, He jumps in the ring and finishes Satan off. God wins. Every time.

In the same way, I am wrestling with God. I am still blindfolded and I want to fight Him. I want to beat the answers out of Him. But at my first move He embraces me & speaks His kind truth into my life, that things will turn out just fine and to trust Him. God wins again.

God's victory over me & over Satan is a beautiful thing!

Beauty Project - Day 57 - DQ Customer Appreciation Day

2011-01-27T10:31:00.002-05:00

So... before I headed to church last night I had to go into town and put some gas in my car. As I was leaving the gas station I saw a ridiculous line of cars at Dairy Queen... the place was packed... I was clueless as to why. I got to church only to find out that everything was half off because it was customer appreciation day. EXCITING! I was stuck at the church until 9:45... DQ closes at 10. You better bet I got over there with 10 minutes to spare! Yummy food for half the price. It's a beautiful thing for this poor college student! :)

Beauty Project - Day 56 - JIREH

2011-01-25T22:02:00.002-05:00

Tonight I had to go observe a group for my Abnormal Psych class. JIREH is a worship service for those who are mentally handicapped. My professor and her husband play in the worship band. I didn't know quite what to expect going into it, but I quickly realized that I was getting the opportunity to witness something beautiful. Have you ever watched someone with a mental handicap truly engage in worship with God? I got to watch about 30 of them worship together, with the rest of my class, and it was just fun! They make worship fun! There is just something beautiful about the free and fun spirit that they brought to worship tonight.

Beauty Project - Day 55 - WCAC

2011-01-25T21:50:00.002-05:00

Monday kicked off the World Christian Action Conference here at Bethel. To be honest, the past 3 years I have nearly dreaded this week, mostly because it required more of a time commitment that i was really willing to put in every day of the week - selfish - I know. Then again... Research Methods was pretty selfish with my time too. ANYWAYS... WCAC is a week dedicated to focusing on our call to live extraordinary lives. I'm going into this week with a new perspective. I'm excited and ready - anticipating what God has in store for me this week as well as the rest of the Bethel body.
Our call to live an extraordinary life because He is extraordinary is a very beautiful thing! I'm glad He invites me on this journey with Him!

Beauty Project - Day 54 - A Box Under My Bed

2011-01-23T22:56:00.002-05:00

I was searching through about everything I have in my possession at home for something that says what blood type I am... it's the one thing that I left blank on my Kenya application. No luck - sad day. Anyways... as i was searching, I pulled out my "under the bed box" that is full of memories from when I was born to now. Cards, pictures, report cards, art projects from elementary school (yeah... not a pretty sight), journals from elementary school when I was learning how to write, award certificates, among several other things are all squished into this box. I like to pull this box out from time to time and look through everything. Today i was sorting through all of my cards. I don't think i have ever thrown a card away. There has to be at least a couple hundred in that box. It's nearly ridiculous, but they are fun to look through. I put them in stacks of different categories: various holidays, birthdays, encouragment, thank yous, get well, hand written letters, ChicaGO notes, and... well... Kristy Mikel has her own folder. I even found cards from my grandparents for my first day of Kindergarten and my last day of Kindergarten. I didn't even know they made cards for those occasions. Sweet.
Anyways... Beautiful is the box that holds 22 years of memories.

Beauty Project - Day 53 - Peace

2011-01-22T21:59:00.002-05:00

Reality is hitting that it is going to be a long, hard journey to get all of my homework completed and turned in before I leave in April. In one of my classes alone the prof told us that if we want to do well we should be doing approximately 9 hours of work outside of class a week. Those calculations are about right with the amount of reading, outlining, and other assignments we have to do. So, when I am trying to add extra assignments into that schedule... well lets just say it seems about impossible. And yet... though I may be a little overwhelmed... I have a peace about it. It's a beautiful peace, reassuring me that everything will work out by the time April comes around. I rest in that peace.

Beauty Project - Day 52 - TAWG

2011-01-21T22:17:00.002-05:00

This year has for sure been a journey that I will probably never forget. While I really wish I could, a part of me prays that I don't. Had I not gone through everything that i went through last semester, I would not be where I am at now. And through all of that, my relationship with God has become so much more real to me. As I was spending time with Jesus today, I had to stop and think about what I was doing. Several times I have used the excuse that i am too busy to give Him time during my day or just rushed the process so I could say I did it. Tonight I just took time to reflect on how beautiful it is that I get the opportunity to spend time with my Best Friend every day - my Creator, Counselor, Father, Leader. I'm excited about the fact that I look forward to this time every day with Him - sad about the fact that it took me 22 years to get excited about it.

Spending time with God is truly a beautiful thing!

Beauty Project - Day 51 - Skype

2011-01-20T20:48:00.002-05:00

When I bought my new computer there was one very specific feature that i wanted: a camera. Why? So I could Skype with my friends who already live too far away for me to see on any sort of regular basis and to Skype with my friends who would be soon leaving.

Tonight I got to skype with Erica Purdy and oh my goodness let me just tell you that it made my week! I miss my friend lots! I still don't understand why she had to go get married and move far away... (Just kiddin Erica!)

Skype is a beautiful way for me to not only talk, but to actually see my long lost friends.

Beauty Project - Day 50 - Air Compressor

2011-01-20T18:28:00.002-05:00

So... I have one tire on my car that isn't very friendly. It has gone flat 3 times in the past month. fun fun. NOT! anyways... after the second time... which happened this past Friday... my dad bought me a portable air compressor and a tire gauge. It didn't take me long to find out that these two things would be my new best friends after I found my tire flat again before i headed back to Nappanee for church. Beautiful are the devices that I can use to get me out of some not so beautiful, frustrating situations.

*I know...i need a new tire... that may happen eventually*

Beauty Project - Day 49 - Love

2011-01-18T17:05:00.003-05:00

One of my New Year's resolutions is to love more intentionally and today I have been thinking a lot about what that looks like for me. For this semester, at least, love means sacrifice. I have a choice to make about what I do with my free time: I could work ahead on homework (yup... i'm actually that lame), lay around and be lazy, or go love someone. it's tempting after early mornings and long days to want to shut myself in my room and rest or just be by myself, and while sometimes those times are needed, I'm finding myself challenged to put my love into action - to go out and just be with people - to be intentional in my time with friends here at Bethel because I'm only here for a few more months. And God has been awesome in this, especially today as I have had three awesome conversations with three amazing friends! God is good! His love is perfect!

Beauty Project - Day 48 - A Beautiful Opportunity (Cont'd)

2011-01-17T19:39:00.003-05:00

About 3 weeks ago I was sitting silent in a room with many Sr. High students and leaders trying to listen for God's voice. It was "Vision" night at Winter Retreat where Caleb talked about 3 different types of visions that God gives us: Impressions. Wispers. Burdens. I don't really know that I have ever experienced God quite like I did in those 5 short minutes. Without a doubt, my world was rocked. I didn't just get one of those visions... I got two that night. His wisper: the word "RESCUE". His impression: I may not have the nice little, comfy office that I always pictured myself having as a counselor AND I may not be going to grad school.

Vision night almost put me in a state of panic. "Seriously God? I'm graduating in 5 months and you are now choosing to change things!? Couldn't you have done this a little sooner so I could have been planning for this?" - those were my initial thoughts. I went to bed thinking "What do I do now? What does this all mean? Where are you leading me God? Who am I rescuing? Where will I be working?"

Those thoughts actually continued to go through my head the rest of our time there. In my questioning I came to a spot where I simply told God that I will go where He sends me. Then entered the burden. His burden: Salgaa.

Last semester was a crazy one for me. I found it ironic that we were talking about the issues of teens in crisis and human trafficking this year with the youth group, as I was tackling both issues in my internship. "Teens in crisis" has always been a burden on my heart. I found my burden for sex trafficking growing last semester as I worked with 3 girls at my internship that had been involved in the sex trade industry at some point of their life. Putting faces and stories to world issues always makes it more personal.

"Salgaa" didn't just come out of nowhere. Salgaa is in Kenya, Africa and is one of the places that groups from our church go to visit when they take trips to the Baby Center. Salgaa is known for the prostitution that takes place there and I have heard several stories from friends and students that went last April about how heartbreaking that little town is - how real the stories and lifestyles are.

I left Winter Retreat with a wisper, impressions, and a burden, but still the question "What's next God?"

I did some searching and praying, and thinking and praying, and questioning and praying and through all of that a door was opened. I found out our church was doing a trip to Kenya in April and through much more prayer and contemplation, I decided to take the opportunity. After getting permission from all of my professors to miss about 7-8 days of classes, I filled out my application and turned it in yesterday. I'M GOING TO AFRICA!

Truth is, I don't know for sure that God is calling me to Salgaa for more than just this trip, but I can't pass up the opportunity to go. I'm praying that God will continue to guide me in His vision as I go.

So there it is. My beautiful opportunity. A crazy opportunity to take during a semester of 16 1/2 credit hours. But an awesome one! I'm excited! :)

Beauty Project - Lack of Blogging Motivation

2011-01-17T07:43:00.002-05:00

So... I have missed several days of blogging... i'm not confident I will make them up... but no worries... i haven't missed a day of beauty. :) My hope is to at least finish out the rest of the 60 days with a blog post... but... we shall see.

Beauty Project - Day 43 - An Exciting Journey

2011-01-13T14:36:00.002-05:00

Well... Kristy beat me to it... but my moment of beauty yesterday was found in my final good-byes last night to Kayla Koontz, as today she leaves to begin her new journey, first to Atlanta, Georgia for some team training, and then off to Kenya until mid-May. It has been such an awesome experience for me to get to know Kayla during her freshmen year (my senior year) of high school as she was in my small group and just to watch her grow and watch God grow this passion and burden in her for "the least of these" in Africa. Over the summer i watched Kayla wrestle with God a lot about the next trip she would go on. She was planning on going to Africa towards the end of this past summer but it didn't work out and God clearly shut the doors on that opportunity. It didn't take long for her for her to see that God shut those doors so that He could open the doors for this opportunity. She was obedient to His calling, applied and got accepted, and is ready to head out on this new journey. I'm going to miss her a lot but I am so very excited for her!
Her obedience is beautiful. Her sacrifice is beautiful. Her passion is beautiful. Her heart is beautiful. A beautiful journey she is embarking on.

Beauty Project - Time To Catch Up - Days 38-42

2011-01-11T15:23:00.002-05:00

Day 38: A Beautiful Opportunity
I will not go into too much detail on this right now because it's not finalized, but since classes started back up last Thursday, I have asked each of my professors if they would approve of my absence from class for a number of days later this semester. As I was talking to one of my professors on Friday and explaining the reason for my absence, he looked at me and said "That is an awesome opportunity and when those opportunities come you don't pass them up!" A beautiful opportunity is in the making! Details may be coming within the next couple weeks.

Day 39: Beauty in Openness
I got the opportunity to go to another winter retreat over the weekend. One that I was not planning on going on. This one was with the Effect - the college age/young adult group from church. We were split into small groups and in a time of sharing on Saturday I found beauty in the openness of one specific girl who I never really hear open up much, at least about what God is doing. It was refreshing and encouraging.

Day 40: Beautiful Sunrise
We finished up our time at this winter retreat on Sunday. We started the morning with TAWG. This particular morning i chose to do mine by a window overlooking the lake as the sun began to rise. We talked about God's grace all weekend and at some point in the retreat we were reminded that God doesn't have to give us a beautiful sunrise and He doesn't have to give us the beautiful surroundings that we have. He has graced us with His beauty. Thanks God for Your beauty!

Day 41: Time With The Roomies
While this semester has its crazy aspects to it, it is so much more relaxing than last semester. I actually have free evenings that can be spent doing homework and spending time with friends. Last night I got to go to supper with my roommates and I don't remember the last time that i got to do that. It was a beautiful time to relax and have fun with the people that I live with.

Day 42: Authentic Professors
I think my favorite part about being here at Bethel is the professors. I have been truly blessed to have the professors that I have had here in the past 3 1/2 years, especially the professors in the psych department. Today in my abnormal psych class , my professor, who is also my advisor, just kind of shared what God was doing in her life. As tears welled up in her eyes (happy tears), I couldn't help but see the beauty of authenticity. It is such a blessing to have professors who are not only passionate about what they do, but are passionate about what God is doing.

Beauty Project - Day 37 - My Planner

2011-01-06T16:51:00.002-05:00

I'm not completely sure how I lived the first two years of my college career without using my planner. Seriously, I don't think I could live without it anymore. Filled with due dates and to do lists, my planner has become a beautiful instrument of organization and schedules for my every school day. Today as I began to receive syllabus after syllabus, I began to start scheduling out the rest of my semester and while looking at it in the big picture almost gives me a heart attack, I am all the more thankful for a tool that helps me work one day at a time. And so my final semester at Bethel begins...

Beauty Project - Day 36 - I Don't Know

2011-01-05T22:59:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow starts a new semester - my final semester here at Bethel College. It seems that almost everybody that I run in to asks if I am ready for this semester/ if i am excited that it is my final semester and I never quite know how to reply. God messed me up at Winter Retreat, enough to put a big fat question mark on my future in the place of a nice, comfortable little plan. I don't do well with not having a plan. I like knowing what I am doing as far in advance as I can. So when I am trying to answer somebody about how I am feeling about my final semester, I can't seem to finish a sentence; it always ends in "I... I don't know." As frustrating as that is for me, I know it's not a bad thing. In fact, it puts me in a place where I have to fully depend on God in order for Him to guide me in His will; it's right where He wants me.
Broken. Challenged. Searching. Waiting. - that's where I am at. Though I may not completely enjoy it, I recognize the beauty in the big picture.

Beauty Project - Day 35 - Time To Say Good-Bye

2011-01-04T22:26:00.002-05:00

I have had several conversations lately with some friends that are getting ready to head out - to leave the country for different periods of time in order to serve the purpose that God has called them to. Today I was thinking about how many of my friends are planning on leaving sometime within the next 6 months, and while I am tempted to get really sad at the thought of not seeing some of them for 4 or 5 months, and one of them for a year, I can't help but get really excited about how God is going to use each of them. I'm getting ready to say good-bye to two friends within the next 9 days. Beautiful is the journey that God has them on. Beautiful are their steps of obedience in faith.

Beauty Project - Day 34 - A Beautiful Life

2011-01-03T21:17:00.002-05:00

I just found out that one of my block professors passed away today after battling with cancer that has come and gone for several years of his life. Dr. Scott Johnson was no ordinary man. He was different and I think he prided himself on that, but not because of himself, but because God made the difference. He sang a song to our block freshman year that he wrote about his battle with cancer and last year he spoke in chapel about his battle and God's grace throughout it and I watched this man as he broke down in both scenarios. Admirable!
"Inhale grace, exhale gratitude!"
A strong man! A great role model! A huge blessing to Bethel! A beautiful life lived devoted to Christ.

Beauty Project - Day 33 - Twins

2011-01-02T23:36:00.003-05:00

Do you see the irony? :) GOOD! That's the point. anyways... this is Rachel Jones. Rachel and I have known each other for years, our dads used to be good friends. I would always see Rachel at 3DYC, Prairie Camp, and some years at the On Fire Rallies, but never enough to really connect. A few years ago I counseled with her out at Prairie Camp and I gained a friend that I can't ever imagine giving up. Despite the fact that she is a good foot taller than me, Rachel and I are so much alike, it's almost scary. I love and appreciate the friend that she is to me, the encouragement that she brings to my life, and how we get each other. Unfortunately... we both have lives that keep us insanely busy. She lives in Fort Wayne. I'm stuck in the Bethel Bubble. We hardly ever get to see each other, let alone talk to each other. Today was the first time I got to see her since the summer. It was so good to take a couple hours this afternoon and just catch up on life. I've needed this for a whole semester. A beautiful friendship we have!

Beauty Project - Day 32 - It's A New Year

2011-01-02T12:57:00.002-05:00

With a new year comes new opportunities - new beginnings, new projects, new goals. For me, the new year marks a fresh start with different things in my life and just thinking about that is beautiful to me. I'm excited and I'm ready. Now... I have a list of New Year resolutions... I always get scared to make this list bc I usually fail miserably (I'm not scared to admit that because I know i'm not alone), but this year I'm all about intentionality so I am determined! This year I am going to:
- not drink pop anymore. my dentist (Neil Yoder) keeps telling me to lay off the pop... i decided to finally listen to him. :)
- tell myself I am beautiful everyday. I want to see myself as God sees me when I look in the mirror and I don't have any make-up on and my hair is pulled back and my physical vulnerabilities are exposed. I don't see myself as beautiful right now. This will be a long journey.
- to go with the previous one - tell someone different everyday that they are beautiful and why.
- I'm taking a big leap of faith and beginning my prayer journey again for a year asking God everyday to break my heart for what breaks His - I'm broken going into this so another prayer that I am praying along with it - and this is the reason that I failed last time I tried this - "God, I know you will break me if I ask you to. Help me to deal with the brokenness and burdens in a way that is pleasing to you - that will glorify Your name!"
- LOVE intentionally: Matthew 22:37-39, Luke 6:27, 1 Corinthians 16:13-14
- SERVE GOD intentionally: Galations 1:10

I'm going into this new year with great expectancy that God is going to move in my life and in others' lives. Praying that God will make me an instrument to serve His purpose!

Beauty Project - Day 31 - Year of Memories

2011-01-01T11:19:00.002-05:00

Derry tweeted the significant events that happened in his life during 2010 all throughout the day yesterday and it got me thinking about my year. I think it is safe to say that the past year was marked by a lot of wrestling with God - but there were also some great moments in the midst of pain and heartache.

2010:
- Listened to and obeyed God's calling for me to apply for Bethel's Task Force trip to the Dominican Republic. Huge step for me. Got accepted.
- Finished out strong in Research Methods. That class was my life my whole junior year. Huge accomplishment.
- Went to the DR for 2 weeks. Completely different kind of trip for me. Awesome experience for me. A part of my heart now lies with those people - I still hope to go back sometime, Lord willing.
- ChicaGO - first time being a leader for a trip like this - I battled a significant amount of spiritual warfare there - not a great trip for me personally that time but awesome to watch some of the students take huge steps of obedience to God.
- Commitment to pray 365 days for God to break my heart for what breaks His. I failed. My excuse - too broken. Realized that I wasn't truly ready for what my semester was about to give me.
- Got my first car - not sure how this past semester would have been possible without it. So thankful!
- Got my first job that was not church related or school related. Quickly realized that I was going to have plenty of opportunities to be DIFFERENT - without knowing their stories I recognized that I was working with several women who were lost and broken.
- Summer Camp - called to be DIFFERENT - another trip that I struggled through myself but awesome to watch God work in the midst of my wrestling and all around me.
- Internship at Hannah's House - the focus of student ministries this year with teens in crisis and human trafficking became the real deal for me as I worked with several young women who fit both of these categories. An eye-opening experience. A heart-breaking experience. A passion-driven experience.
- Family problems - pain. confusion. heartache. questions. my world was rocked beginning the first weekend of school this year. It continued to get worse and I really struggled with how to handle it. I'm still learning but ultimately I have hope.
- Crisis Intervention - sometimes being a leader calls for helping students through some real deal tough life situations, despite what you are going through in your own life.
- Lion King on Broadway - phenominal musical with some great friends! Came at a crazy time but it was fun!
- Winter Retreat 2010 - God spoke - my future is not my own.

I'm ending my year reflecting on where I have been to get to where I am now. I believe I am stronger - I'm still learning - I'm still working through things - but I believe in a God who never leaves me - who is helping me through things - who gives me strength in my weakness.
Thanks, God, for a year of wrestling & learning, for a year filled with great experiences and some not-so-great experiences. Thanks for being ever-present in each one of those experiences! Beautiful is the thought of a Friend and Father who never leaves my side!

Beauty Project - Days 27-30 - Winter Retreat Edition

2010-12-31T10:38:00.002-05:00

Day 27 - WOW! Moments
I had 2 on Monday. The first came from a girl in my cabin who broke and broke hard when Caleb was sharing during our celebration time. While I know there was so much pain and frustration in that brokenness, it was beautiful because it was all God. Realizing she had taken control of her life and was trying to do things by her own strength, God simply told her it was time to let go. Surrender isn't easy - but it is a process - an everyday process. Her journey in surrendering began Monday night.
The second came in the brokenness of another girl in my group - this one I didn't see coming and was taken a little off guard. As we were sharing in our cabin group time Monday night I had my girls go around and share what circle they were in, going off of what Caleb had talked about during his message. (Circles: Outer - just trying to get out of hell/ Middle - camp/retreat high, infatuation, passion for Christ is short lived/ Inner - filled with passionate love for Christ, living out of that passion). This girl said she wasn't in a circle and didn't know if she wanted to be and left it at that. After we finished our group time I just asked her if she was alright. She broke & we talked for about 30 minutes about where she is at and what has been going on in her life. This time I didn't see beauty in the brokenness. It was full of hate for herself - for God. She had become so blinded to who she was - who God was. I talked through some things with her and prayed with her and left it at that because we needed to get to bed and she had a lot of things that she needed to wrestle through with God on her own. The beauty that came out of this for me came from confirmation that this is where my passion lies - helping girls find who they truly are in Christ. It gets me fired up and i think that is a beautiful thing.

Day 28 - Youth Group Circle Time
We have a big youth group and in most aspects I love it! But when it comes to talking in front of all of them - even being a leader - I HATE it! When it comes to crying in front of them - for lack of a better word - I DOUBLE HATE it!! There were a few different questions that Derry and Geoff were having the students and leaders stand up and share with the group. The one that got to me: "What would you like to see God do in the next year?" My sister stood up and before she said a word tears started flooding out of my eyes. "I want to see things get better in our family, and between me and my sister." By the time she got those words out I was sobbing across the circle. I hated it as I was doing it - a brokenness that I could not hide. I have been broken and burdened for my family since school started and things started going down hill. Derry had everybody in the room stand up who were going through significant family problems. Through all of my gasps for breath and tears streaming down my face - beauty arose. Broken TOGETHER. While I know that others have family problems too, sometimes it's just good to have that physical reminder to show you that you are not alone. And despite how much I HATE breaking in front of people, I know my sister needed to see that from me. There is beauty in being broken together!

Day 29 - Encouragement
I was blessed to have the 7 girls that I had in my group this year for winter retreat. 3 of them I have had in my small groups at church before, 2 of them I had never met, and 2 of them I have known for a while. As we were doing our cabin group time - my girls took over and I was alright with that. As each girl went around and shared what her next steps were for when she got home, the rest of the girls flooded her with encouragement. I watched 7 girls who I wasn't quite sure how well they would all mesh together form real-deal friendships and that is a beautiful thing to me. There are several more beautiful moments that came out of my group. I couldn't have been more thankful for them this week.

Day 30 - Sleep
A trip like that is physically and emotionally draining and sleep isn't something that is plentiful. We got home last night and I did some things for a few hours, but was in bed by 9:45 and asleep by 10:30. I didn't even think I could do that anymore. I slept for about 12 hours. I NEVER do that. I feel rested - that's a beautiful thing! I'm ready to stay up late tonight to bring in the New Year! Woohoo!

Beauty Project - Day 26 - SURPRISE!!!

2010-12-26T17:45:00.002-05:00

Today I actually pulled off a surprise going away lunch for Kayla Koontz. Kayla was my senior student leader for small groups last year and is a great friend. She leaves in 20 days to spend 4 months in Kenya, Africa. I'm so pumped for her because she has such a huge heart for the people of Africa and I know that God has been preparing her for this. Our small group girls from last year have been asking me if we could all get together sometime before Kayla left so I turned it into a little surprise. Obviously Kayla thought it was just her and I going out for lunch after church today - I stalled as long as I could so that the girls could all get there before we did. I did so good at keeping it a secret! I'm proud of myself. We walked into Mancinos and Kayla was sooooooo excited to see the girls. Only a few girls were there but we still had a good time. Beautiful is this 19-year-old girl taking a huge step of faith to leave the country for 4 months and further His Kingdom!

(The next 4 days will not be updated until the 30th or 31st... off to Winter Retreat in the A.M.)

Beauty Project - Day 25 - Happy Birthday Jesus

2010-12-25T23:45:00.003-05:00

This Christmas season I have done a lot of reflecting on what Christmas is - what it is to me, what it is supposed to be about, and what it was like back when Jesus was born. This post is dedicated to the beauty of the birth of the Christ child.

I've been thinking a lot about what Mary and Joseph must have gone through during that pregnancy. The rejection that I'm sure they received from family and friends; the misunderstanding from family and friends; the questions that I am sure everybody had, including Mary and Joseph; the amount of faith that it had to take for Mary and Joseph to carry out God's perfect plan when nobody else understood; trying to fathom that she was going to give birth to a king; giving birth to the Savior in a place that no human deserves to give birth in, let alone a king to be born in. But he was. Our perfect Savior was born in less than perfect circumstances and it marked the beginning of the life of a selfless King.

The obedience of Mary and Joseph is beautiful! The trust that they had in God's plan is beautiful! The birth of the One who saved my life is beautiful!

Beauty Project - Day 24 - A Simple Conversation

2010-12-24T09:58:00.002-05:00

I realize that it is still early today... but my moment of beauty already happened... and I don't think there will be one that tops it today. My dad talked to me. It was a stupid conversation really, but the content doesn't matter at this point. He talked to me. (without going into too much detail... he hasn't really talked to me since the 5KIN.) Quite possibly the best Christmas present I could get from him this year.

Beauty Project - Day 23 - Doing What I Love

2010-12-24T09:54:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I spent approximately 8 hours sitting on my floor in my room scrapbooking. I love doing it, but I have to be in the mood to do so. I love the days that I can dedicate as much time as I need to to doing what I love. And it relaxes me - that's a bonus! And... I must say... the outcomes were beautiful! :)

Beauty Project - Day 22 - Gliding on the Ice

2010-12-23T12:18:00.004-05:00

Wednesday night my small group and I went ice skating. Since we haven't had a legit small group meeting in at least a month (weather is to blame for at least a couple of those weeks), I wanted to get together with them sometime over break. All but one girl showed. I thought that was pretty good. Anyways... the entire experience was a beautiful one... complete with beautiful wipe-outs, beautiful "swan-like" skating, and the beauty of my boy-crazy girls seeing the stupidity in some boys. Much laughter, many memories. The real beauty of the night is one that I can't share much about - but it was found in smiles and laughter from one of my girls. I have to leave it at that, but it was probably the most beautiful thing the entire night.

(Amanda fell... a lot!)

(I give you... The Swan)

Beauty Project - Day 21 - Nothing To Do

2010-12-22T12:18:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was your average Christmas break day. Lounging around - not a whole lot to do. I have actually grown to hate these days because I'm so used to having a bottomless list of things to do. I get bored easily. Yesterday I found some appreciation for the "nothing" days, especially when I think "well... i could be back at school doing homework." those days will be here again before I know it. For now... I will enjoy the beauty of doing nothing.

(ok technically I didn't do "nothing" yesterday... i went shopping and then to the Lehane's for a while... but i did it on my own time... it counts!)

Beauty Project - Day 20 - Just the Girls

2010-12-21T10:16:00.002-05:00

There are a couple things that I look forward to doing with my family over Christmas break. One is making all of our Christmas goodies. Yesterday was that day for us. My mom, Angela, and I were in the kitchen all afternoon making toffee, fudge, and christmas cookies. YUM! Not only were our cookies beautiful... but any time that I get to enjoy time with my family is beautiful. The fact that my sister and I are semi-getting along is beautiful. I'll take it!

Beauty Project - Day 19 - Beauty Comes in Different Forms

2010-12-20T12:58:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was one of those days that I found beauty in a few different ways.

The first was in the young adult Sunday school class. Upon my return to the class about 2 months ago, I realized that there were several new faces that I had never seen before... and they were guys. In fact, the guys were outnumbering the girls by a lot... and that is rare. Anyways, I found out that most of these guys were part of the new Teen Challenge program in Elkhart. Yesterday we were talking about Christmas - what it means to us and what it meant the day Jesus was born. Now I don't know their life stories and I don't know how they got involved in this program, but I do know that their lives have been transformed. You can hear it in the way that they talk. They have such a huge passion for Christ - it's beautiful. and it's challenging.

The second came during worship in Connection. We were singing the song "Here in my Life" and I just began to meditate on the words. We got to the line "where would I be without You here in my life?" and I started thinking about that. Tears began to well up in my eyes as I thought about the reality that I might not still be here had I never given my life to Christ. With Christ comes hope, purpose for life, a perfect Friend and Father. Through Christ I have found friends who love Jesus and strive to live a life devoted to living out God's will, who encourage me, and challenge me, and who allow me to do the same for them. With Christ comes forgiveness and new life. In Him I am made whole. That is beautiful!

The third came last night at the Effect. I don't get to go much anymore because of small groups, but since we didn't meet last night, I got to be a part of the Effect Christmas Party. We started with a game. One that I was happy that I didn't have to participate in because I think the fun came from watching. It was an eating contest. A handful of participants were selected and led to another room. One came in at a time and were instructed to eat everything that was under the 5 boxes lined up on the table, moving from the smallest box to the biggest. They were timed on this. Derry Prenkert was hiding under the biggest box to scare them. The reactions were beautiful to me. A couple of them jumped. One actually hit him. One just stared at him. And two tried to eat him... or maybe kiss him... i'm not even sure. All I know is it was entertaining. BUT... the final one may have been the icing on the cake. Karli Saner. I actually feared for Derry's life knowing that she was going to be a participant. ha. but then... i realized that the joke was going to be on Derry when she walked in dressed as a clown. (Derry has a fear of clowns). Karli acted like she was eating and when she got to that final box, Derry had no clue what was coming to him. The scare was beautifully played out... complete with a fantastic reaction from Derry. I enjoyed watching people get scared. Derry will probably have nightmares for a while, but it will pass. :)

Beauty Project - Day 18 - Beautiful Lyrics from Beautiful Songs

2010-12-18T22:52:00.003-05:00

I love music. pretty sure I have mentioned that a few times before. today out of curiosity I searched through all of the songs that I have on my computer with the word "beautiful" in the title. my moment of beauty comes from a line or two that I find beautiful from each song (some may be more meaningful than others). enjoy...

- Beautiful Love (The Afters): "Larger than the moon, my love for you. The worlds collide as Heaven pulls us through. The secret of the world is written in the stars. I'm carrying your heart in mine."

- Love Will Make You Beautiful (The Afters): "Turn around this time. Love is there to find. Lift your head and see. Open up your eyes. Love will make you beautiful."

- Young and Beautiful (Carrie Underwood): "While we're young and beautiful, livin free and easy. Here without a worry. Dancin in our bare feet."

- A Beautiful Collision (David Crowder Band): "The heart breaking makes a sound I never knew could be so beautiful and loud, fury filled and we collide."

- Beautiful, Beautiful (Francesca Battistelli): "Like sunlight burning at midnight, making my life something so beautiful, beautiful. Mercy reaching to save me. All that I need, You are so beautiful, beautiful."

- Beautiful Soul (Jesse McCartney): "I don't want another pretty face. I don't want just anyone to hold. I don't want my love to go to waste."

- Beautiful Somehow (Joy Williams): "I'm just fine. I see a smile from Heaven, my Father's proud. And I know that I am simply, fearfully, and wonderfully made in You. You make it beautiful somehow."

- Beautiful Disaster (Kelly Clarkson): "And if could hold on through the tears and the laughter, would it be beautiful or just a beautiful disaster"

- Something Beautiful (Natalie Grant): "The life you've been living, the days that you've been given were made for something beautiful. Life - don't let it pass you by because you were created for something beautiful."

- Beautiful (Rachael Lampa): "But deep beneath the cold defeat, under the snow, You could see something in me waiting to grow. A little seed of what I could be; how did You know? You saw my worth and called it forth with Your sweet love."

- Big, Blonde, & Beautiful (Hairspray): "They say that white is might and thin is in, well that's just bull. Cause ladies big is back and as for black it's beautiful." (i just think it's funny!)

- What Makes You Different, Makes You Beautiful (Backstreet Boys): it's in the title.

- Beautiful Letdown (Switchfoot): "We are a beautiful letdown. Painfully uncool. The church of the dropouts - the losers, the sinners, the failures, and the fools."

- Beautiful Day (U2): "What you don't have you don't need it now. What you don't know you can feel it somehow."

- Beautiful Name (ZoeGirl): "I will run, I will fly. I will live to be a sacrifice. Through it all, I'll rise above. Unafraid I'll face what comes. I will run, I will fly. And for my faith I will live and die. I will be strong. I will press on. For the sake of Your beautiful name."

- Don't You Know You're Beautiful (Kellie Pickler): "Don't you know you're beautiful just the way you are?"

Another beauty of today... I introduce you to Adyson Steininger. My beautiful baby cousin that i got to hang out with all day!

Beauty Project - Day 17 - Let's Hang Out

2010-12-18T22:42:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was the first day in a long time that I only had an hour that I was committed to. The rest of my day was free. I took advantage of that and filled it with time with friends. A lot of it was spent catching up on life because I hadn't been able to actually have a conversation with these friends in a long time, but I had a great time with each and every one of them! Sometimes in the busyness that I call college life, I forget who my friends are. Yesterday I was reminded that I have been blessed with some awesome, very encouraging friends - beautiful friendships!

Beauty Project - Day 15 & 16

2010-12-17T10:02:00.002-05:00

Day 15:

I'm a big fan of homemade Christmas presents! 1.) because they save me money and 2.) because they are more meaningful. However, they also take time... so my homemade present making is limited. This year my homemade presents went to the girls living in Hannah's House and some of them that had moved out while I was interning there. I made them little books and wrote the Father's Love Letter in them. For those of you who don't know what the Father's Love Letter is, it is a bunch of verses put into a letter format from God to us expressing how much he loves us and knows us. Knowing the huge passion that I had going in to Hannah's House to let these girls know that they are loved and valued, I couldn't think of a better way to end my time there. I made 12 of these. I wrote out all of those verses 12 times. I spent lots hours working on those, but it gave me lots of time to meditate on some of those verses. This semester has been rough and I guess you could say I have struggled to feel valued and loved - by my friends, by my family, and even by God. I needed The Father's Love Letter this week because in the times that I question "Who will love me for me?" it serves as a reminder that God knows me better than anyone and His love is perfect. It's a beautiful love.
If you would like to read The Father's Love Letter for yourself, you can read it here.

Day 16:

I'M DONEEEEEEEEEEEEE! there is no better feeling at the end of a long semester than to hand in your final test or your final paper. I feel accomplished - it is a beautiful feeling! Now I get to relax for 3 weeks and that is also a very beautiful thing!

Beauty Project - Day 14 - Christmas With the Roomies

2010-12-15T09:35:00.003-05:00

Every year during finals week before Christmas break, my roommates and I dedicate an entire night to Roommate Christmas. Last night was that night for us... and i think it was our best yet!

We went to Winding Brooke to look at all the decorated houses. There were some pretty awesome ones, but I think this one won my vote... partially because of creativity... partially because of creepiness.

We also decorated our own ornaments. So. Much. Fun! These are mine... I was supposed to have a 3rd... but i broke it :(

Kendra bought us all sleds for Christmas... you bet we went out and used them!

We also pulled our mattresses out to the living room and slept out there together and fell asleep to Elf. Ultimately... it was a great night... and a great break from the stress of finals week. Lots of laughs, lots of memories beautiful memories. I will end this post with a seasonal greeting. :)

Beauty Project - Day 13 - Community of Support

2010-12-13T13:05:00.002-05:00

Over the weekend a junior here at Bethel, who is an RA and one of my co-workers at Sufficient Grounds, lost her mom and sister in a car accident. Her dad survived. Word about this tragedy spread around campus fast and the reaction from students might be beauty at it's finest in my eyes. Saturday night some students went to the prayer chapel to pray for the family. Sunday afternoon a prayer vigil was held in the prayer chapel for the entire campus of students to come and pray for the surviving family. I was not able to go, but I was amazed by the number of texts and facebook invites that I got informing me about it. It is beautiful to watch a community of students come together to pray for one of their own, whether they know her or not.

It's finals week and Christmas season - while there is never a "good" time to lose loved ones, this is probably the worst. Pray for Kirstin Yoder and her family.

Beauty Project - Day 12 - Laughter

2010-12-12T19:06:00.002-05:00

I love laughter and it seems to be about as contageous as a yawn. I love that I have people in my life that make me laugh. I love the sound of laughter. It's the beautiful sound of joy in someone's life. I love that the way people laugh makes me laugh. Like my roommate for example - she has many different laughs, but my favorite one is her "old man laugh" - it sounds like it is deep down in her chest and the only noise that comes out is squeeks of air. I laugh every time. Or there is nothing like laughter due to pure exhaustion... you know the kind that you don't even know what you are laughing at and tears are uncontrollable and it's just a hysterical event for all involved.
Laughter is good for the soul. It's a beautiful thing. Keep laughing.

Beauty Project - Day 11 - R & R

2010-12-11T17:16:00.002-05:00

This past week was a long, hard week. The good news... classes are OVER for this semester! And I have been looking forward to today since last Sunday. Why? Because today has been completely devoted to rest & relaxation. I do not get enough of this in my life! Even though finals are just around the corner, I have committed to doing zero homework or studying this weekend. (Don't sweat it, I don't have finals til Tuesday. Plenty of time to study Monday!) So today I slept in, went to lunch with one of the roomies, went shopping, and locked myself in my room to wrap christmas presents while watching christmas movies. Free days are a beautiful thing!

Beauty Project - Day 10 - Light A Candle

2010-12-11T10:26:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was our final chapel of the semester. As we walked in we were given candle sticks. President Cramer always speaks at the final chapels to end out the semester and for the final one before Christmas it is a tradition to end with lighting our candles and singing silent night as one body of Christ. It's a beautiful act in itself: it sounds beautiful, it looks beautiful, and the meaning of it is beautiful. It reminded me of one of my favorite songs of the season, which I also think is beautiful... therefore... I will share it with you. Enjoy!

Beauty Project - Day 9 - Count Your Blessings

2010-12-09T20:56:00.002-05:00

Yesterday did not start out well for me. I found out I had a flat tire - like rim to the ground flat - after driving it across campus - right before I was supposed to head to a meeting at Hannah's House. I didn't make it to my meeting and I lost 2 hours of internship. (all 200 are due by Friday at 5). It was awesome. My day didn't really get any significantly better.
This morning as I was journaling I decided to try to look for all of the positives amidst the whole tire situation and just throughout the day. Here is what I came up with:
- I am thankful for the maintenance guys here at Bethel who changed my tire for me. Not like I knew what I was doing. Huge blessing!
- I'm thankful for the chance to go to chapel yesterday. Since I was supposed to be at a meeting, I wasn't going to be able to make it to Christmas chapel. Glad i got to go!
- I'm thankful for Cindi Lantz and our conversation over supper at church last night. I appreciate her honesty.
- I am thankful for a great choir rehearsal last night at church with the Connection band.
- I am beyond thankful that I finally slept through a whole night AND got to sleep in this morning. Sleep is beautiful in itself.
- AND... today I found out that I do not have to get a new tire for my car. It is fixed and it was fixed for FREE! Free is another beautiful thing for me!

Sometimes it's just important to step back and thank God for the little things that make up the day. God is good!

Beauty Project - Day 8 - Harmony

2010-12-08T23:12:00.002-05:00

I was a choir girl from 1st grade through my senior year of high school. I've always loved singing. In all but one of my choirs, once we were old enough to start doing parts, I was always a 1st soprano, which more often than not meant I was singing the melody. I was ok with that because as much as I enjoyed listening to the other parts, I could never sing them. As soon as I graduated and ended my choir career, I seemed to switch parts. Now all I sing is harmony. And I like it!
anyways... today the beauty of harmony showed up a couple different times. The first was in chapel. Today was the Christmas praise and worship chapel, probably my favorite chapel all year. We sing Christmas songs, some more serious, some more fun. Today we ended with O Holy Night and wow the harmonies were beauty to my ears. I just stopped and listened and took in everything around me. It was awesome! The second came from the Connection Voices rehearsal. First of all... I have missed being in a choir... not that this is anything formal... but it is still fun. That probably makes me a choir nerd. oh well. Second of all... there is something beautiful about a group of people belting out songs of praise. Music to my ears!

Beauty Project - Day 7 - Encouragement

2010-12-07T21:42:00.002-05:00

I am an encourager - I love giving it to others. It's also something that I value when I receive it from others, especially this week. Today was one of those days that random bits of encouragement came from a couple random people that I don't get a chance to talk to all that much and in return I got to encourage them. Encouragement is a beautiful thing! Short, sweet, and to the point. Back to my papers!

Beauty Project - Day 6 - 2-fold

2010-12-06T10:02:00.002-05:00

It's early, but I won't have time to post later today so here goes:

My first moment of beauty today is the snow. I love the snow in the morning. It's fresh & pure... free of footprints and nasty slush. I walked over to Sufficient Grounds this morning to get my kickstart to the morning (iced mocha) and I realized that when it's snowing I tend to walk with my face pointing to the ground so that my eyeballs can dodge the snowflakes. I looked up and saw a perfect snowfall floating through the sky. It was beautiful!

The second moment might actually be counted as a moment of beauty for yesterday, but it's still on my mind so I'm counting it. Last night I was working on a paper for Evangelism & Discipleship and I was writing about some of my experiences at Hannah's House. At one point in the paper I was talking about the girl that I case manage and a discussion that I had with her once. As I was talking through goals with her one day, I was playing with the ring that I wear on my left ring finger - my purity ring. She looked at it and said "That's a pretty ring! What is it for?" I explained to her that in middle school I had made a commitment to God and to my parents that I would remain sexually pure until I get married. She was amazed and told me she never knew anybody really made commitments like that. I kind of just brushed it off and said "yup... that's what it's for." I was kind of caught off guard when she asked me about the ring. All semester I was always nervous that one of the girls would ask about the ring, not because I am ashamed, but I was scared that my response would come off as the "I'm better than you" typical "Christian" response. Anyways, back to the girl, she then turned to me and said "So it's like you are married to God!? That's awesome! I wish I would have made that commitment!" Through that conversation and through reflecting on the paper, I think I realized how much I have taken that commitment for granted. The ring is just a symbol of that commitment, but I put it on everyday like it's just a piece of jewelry. I almost "forgot" what it was symbolizing. So a girl at Hannah's House helped me remember that my purity is a beautiful thing!
I will leave this story off with something that she said that made me laugh this past week... still having to do with this conversation. When I went to visit her on Wednesday in the hospital after she had her baby, I got to meet her mom. This is exactly how she introduced me: "Mom, this is Alyssa, she helps me with my goals at Hannah's House. Alyssa is a (said it secret, kind of surprised tone) VIRGIN! She is married to God! I just think that's so cool!" I don't think her mom thought I was that cool. Either way, I will always be known to this girl as Alyssa the virgin. I guess I can't complain. Ha!

Beauty Project - Day 5 - Decorate Yourself

2010-12-05T19:29:00.002-05:00

Samantha (left) and Sydney (right) are two of the five girls in my small group this year. Tonight we were celebrating everybody's birthdays collectively. The other 3 missed their birthday party. ANYWAYS... I was going to get to the church early and decorate the room all pretty for the birthday party, then I had another brilliant idea - decorate yourself. and so... we did.

Aren't we beautiful!? :)

* disclaimer: i did decorate myself... i made this awesome skirt out of the streamer... just didn't make it in the picture

Beauty Project - Day 4 - Tears of Joy

2010-12-04T23:34:00.003-05:00

Hannah's House is a maternity home that provides shelter, programming, and staff support for the physical, emotional and spiritual well-being of pregnant young women. Tonight was their annual fundraiser, Holiday Happenings, which brings in approximately 30% of the funds needed for this house to run year around, 24/7.

Each year they ask a girl who has lived in Hannah's House to speak at this fundraiser to help raise awareness of the reality that these girls face and to express gratitude to those who donate generously... and I mean very generously!

This year two girls were asked to speak. One of them lived in the house last year at this time, and since then has had her baby, moved out of the house, and made a life for herself. She shared about her life before Hannah's House and the transformation that this organization helped her make while she lived there. Tears streamed down her face as she began to express her sincere gratitude to all those who gave and continue to give to make Hannah's House possible. It was a beautiful speech.
The other girl who spoke actually lives in the house now. She has been there for about a month and just has a very attractive personality. She is one of those people that others are naturally drawn to. When she was asked to speak for Holiday Happenings she almost cried just because it was a huge opportunity (the Hannah's House girls don't go to this fundraiser). She had never been asked to do anything like this before, nor had she ever given a speech in front of anybody. Needless to say, she jumped at the opportunity. Tonight she shared about her life, the struggles that she faced as a child and how as she grew older she made some bad choices. She also got teary-eyed as she shared about her past and how much she has changed to get to where she is now. Another beautiful speech done by a beautiful girl.
All in all, it was just a beautiful night. The silent auction and oral auction went very well. A lady came up to me towards the end of the night and asked if the final girl who spoke was still there because she had won a basket full of baby stuff from the silent auction and it was for her. When this girl was told, she cried yet again. idk... ultimately tonight was a night that God's beauty radiated through tears of joy. And that's a beautiful thing!

Twas the week before finals...

2010-12-03T21:24:00.002-05:00

If I was feeling creative I would put this whole little poem together about the stress of this week. but i simply don't have time for that. ha. anyways... week before finals week... i venture to say it is the most stressful week of the year... and it starts NOW! Bring on the 5 papers and several other assignments, the 20ish hours that I have to crunch in at Hannah's House, work, church, and if I'm lucky... some sleep. Oh boy... pray for me! :)

Beauty Project - Day 3 - Beauty from Pain

2010-12-03T12:04:00.002-05:00

I have dealt with a significant amount of heartache these past few months in every area of my life. Being a psych major, I beat up on myself constantly because, sadly i admit, I have bought into Satan's lies that I need to have it all together at all times, that I should be able to fix myself with no problem. Well, with a significant amount of heartache comes a significant amount of burnout. I have exhausted myself mentally, emotionally, physically, & spiritually, and along with that, I think I have taken others down with me. That is not the person that I want to be. This beauty project is making me change my perspective on things. I have to pray everyday that God will restore the brokenness that is within me, that He will remove the darkness that has consumed my mind and soul so that I can see beauty as He wants me to see it.
It's not easy for me to say that the process that I am going through to work through the problems that I am currently facing in life is beautiful. It is hard for me to say that the amount of wrestling that I am doing with God is beautiful. But I cling to the promise that He is my refuge and strength - that He is always there and will never leave me - and I am confident in saying that is a thing of beauty!

Beauty Project - Day 2 - Music of the Night

2010-12-02T21:02:00.005-05:00

No, I'm not referencing Phantom of the Opera. Every Christmas season at Bethel they put up speakers out in the main gazebo and play Christmas music all day long. During the day, especially between classes when everybody is outside walking to different places, the music is hard to hear. At night, campus is silent and you can hear the music all over, loud and clear. For me, it is a thing of beauty, and peace, especially with the snow on the ground. And isn't that how it works between us and God sometimes. When we are busy - when we let a lot of noise into our lives - it's not easy to hear God's voice. But when the noise is removed - when we take time to be still - God comes in loud and clear. Silence is beautiful.

60 Days of Beauty Project - Day 1 - Celebration of Life

2010-12-01T23:01:00.005-05:00

The Sr. High youth pastor at my church, Derry Prenkert, came up with the idea of 60 days of beauty, which is explained more in depth here, but the basic idea is finding at least one thing throughout the day that you can say is a thing of beauty. Recognizing that my semester has brought out the worst in my attitude and thoughts, I decided to join in on the journey. Every day throughout December and January I will be looking for that thing of beauty. I'm guessing my journal will probably see more of those results than the blog, but we will see.

I will start with something that I saw today. Interning at Hannah's House this semester has come with many interesting experiences and I have gotten to meet and interact with a wide variety of young pregnant women in need. There is one girl in particular at the house that I have been case managing since October. She had her baby on Monday morning and this afternoon I finally got a chance to go visit her and her precious baby girl in the hospital. Despite the craziness that this week has been and how emotionally burned out I am, holding that baby was a necessary reminder for me today of how precious life is. Sitting in that hospital room allowed me to step away from all of the thoughts that have been consuming my mind and focus on the celebration of this new life - this new blessing - this thing of beauty.

My Small Group

2010-11-21T20:10:00.002-05:00

Small groups... they have been a huge part of my life since 7th grade. Throughout my middle & high school years my small group played a pivotal part in my spiritual journey, providing me with a circle of friends that I could trust and that I could not wait to spend time with; a group of friends that I grew with and struggled through things with; a group of friends that became a little family that was there through the good, the bad, and the ugly. I was once told by one of my leaders that she was surprised how our small group came together and formed such great friendships because we lived all over the place. Such great memories!

This year I am leading a group of 4 seniors and 1 junior. They remind me a lot of the group i was in. 2 live in Bristol, 1 in Syracuse, 1 in Wakarusa, and 1 in Nappanee. 4 of them are close friends. I have watched the 5th girl join in and be accepted by the other girls like she has been a part of the group for several years.

This past Thursday I was reminded of the impact that a small group can make as I watched 4 of my girls gather around 1 who was mourning the loss of a loved one. I watched as my group became a family, committed to be there through the good, the bad, and the ugly. I watched as they sacrificed their time and their plans to hurt with the one who was hurting. As I watched, I realized that these girls would do anything for each other. That's what small group is all about: growing together and being there for each other. I couldn't be more proud of my girls for how they have responded during this crisis. It's never easy to watch someone that you love hurt, but it's awesome to watch them grow through it. I'm excited to see where God takes the group from here.

Comfort

2010-11-17T23:26:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I received an early birthday present - the new Rascal Flatts cd. I was pumped! (they are my favorite!) As I was playing through the songs, I came across this one. I played it over and over on the way to church. The lyrics are exactly what I need to hear right now in this time of my life. Now, I don't know the exact context the song was written for, but I think it is a great picture of who God is in times of trouble.

I Won't Let Go

It's like a storm that cuts a path
It breaks your will. It feels like that.
You think you're lost, but you're not lost on your own
You're not alone

I will stand by you
I will help you though
When you've done all you can do
If you can't cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let go

It hurts my heart to see you cry
I know it's dark, this part of life
Oh it finds us all when we're too small to stop the rain
Oh but when it rains

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
If you can't cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let you fall

Don't be afraid to fall
I'm right here to catch you
I won't let you down
It won't get you down
You're gonna make it
Yeah I know you can make it

Cause I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
If you can't cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let go.

A Childhood Favorite

2010-10-10T15:35:00.002-04:00

Today I am taken back to my childhood yester-years. When I was younger, my Grandma Walter made these cookies for us that looked like hamburgers. I loved them! Complete with vanilla waffer cookies, a peppermint patty, green-dyed coconut, and icing, it makes for a tasty treat! It has been FOREVER since I have last seen/tasted this delicious goodness!
Well... SURPRISE... grandma made them this week :) aren't they cute?!
Thank you, Grandma for bringing out the kid in me!!! :)

I'm a senior... yup...

2010-09-28T01:19:00.002-04:00

So... it is currently 1:20 in the AM and my roommate is still doin homework so i thought... heck... why not blog about my life as a senior college student :) since it has been a while since i updated!

I love my classes. Most of them anyways. It's nice to have an easier load after two years of non-stop homework, papers, tests, reading, and whatever else the professors found to fill my time.
- Senior Seminar: I love the class simply because it's with all of my senior psychology major friends and we talk about what to expect after graduation and how to integrate our faith into the psychology field. plus... it's nice (and kinda strange) to have a class with Dr. Carlson that doesn't kick my butt! :)
- Evangelism & Discipleship: um... so I only took the class because I needed to fill some hours this semester... but I'm pretty sure God had his hand in that decision more than I thought. I need this class this semester. It's the only one that I have more than once a week, and it's the class that I have the most homework in, but it is such a good class to challenge me and grow me in my life and in my walk with Christ.
- Senior Experience: D.B. !!!- that's pretty much all I have to say about that one! :)
- Crisis Intervention: role playing scares the crap out of me... but... it's a great class full of insight and helpful information that will most definitely be used in the future.
- Psychopharmacology: uh... now this is the normal setting I am used to with Dr. Carlson & this class will for sure kick my butt... but it will become more interesting very soon (I hope)

My internship is rocking my world. I am getting such good experience working with these girls who come from such diverse backgrounds. Their stories are ridiculous and heart breaking. I have the opportunity to see them turn their lives around, as well as walk alongside them and encourage and empower them. With the amount of hours that I put in a week, it can be emotionally & spiritually draining, but it is so worth it! Today I started doing some case management & I'm pretty pumped about it. Makes this experience a little more legit.

The fact that I am a senior completely blows my mind. I keep asking myself "How did I get here?" I have so many decisions to make and time is running out to make them. Thinking about grad school scares me for a lot of reasons. I have no clue if I am going right away or not... but I have to make that decision soon. Before I think about that stuff I have to take the GRE, which scares me even more. And that's money that I don't have. Money in itself is an issue because I have to figure out how the heck i'm going to start paying off my student loans after graduation. But all in all... I just don't feel like I'm a senior. I don't feel like I'm ready to be making those decisions. Kind of makes me want to scream... but... instead I'm just taking it one day at a time.

Oh yeah... this year I threw in another new experience. Instead of being a freshmen or sophomore small group leader, I decided to take on the upper-classmen. I have 4 seniors and 1 junior and i'm just simply PUMPED to spend a year with these girls! yup... it should be a good year :)

well... i think that's about it for now. I'm gonna throw something at Kendra's computer so it shuts off and we can go to sleep. :) ok maybe not... but the thought did cross my mind. but for reals... it's bedtime! Peace!

A Little Update

2010-08-09T10:48:00.002-04:00

Summer is coming to an end... and it has been a long summer. But some excitement has been in the making to make me more than ready to head back to school and dive in. What is causing this excitement? I GOT AN INTERNSHIP! Now... for a psychology major, 3 credit hours of internship are required. I'm doing 5! But I was more than happy to find out that I could fill my remaining 200 hours at one place. Where? Hannah's House. I think that's where most of my excitement resides.

As I was thinking through what I wanted my internship to look like, where i wanted to do it, and who I wanted to work with, one thing was for certain - i really wanted to work with teenage girls or young women. Hannah's House fits that mold perfectly. I'm really excited that I have this opportunity, not only because it is something I am passionate about, but also because this will be DIFFERENT for me and it provides the opportunity for me to make a DIFFERENT-ce. AND as I think about Kids In Need and To Save A Life, this experience will make it real for me. God has for sure begun to prepare my heart for the things that i will encounter... and I can only pray that He will continue to break my heart for these girls.

I start tonight. I'm moving back to Bethel this Sunday to make getting to and from the internship much easier on my gas tank. I'm excited! I'm ready! I'm eager! and I'm a little nervous! Good thing I know that God's got my back! :)

I've Got A Feeling...

2010-08-02T00:16:00.002-04:00

... that God is up to something crazy! And I can't quite explain how or what I am feeling at the moment, but I'm excited and anticipating what will happen next!

Think Positive...

2010-07-20T20:40:00.002-04:00

Today is not anywhere near the top of my "favorite days of summer" list. I woke up this morning feeling like death. So much pressure in my chest and my throat hurt. I knew exactly where it came from... the only time I ever get sick is from people at church. Thank you SOAR girls.

As the day went on, I started feeling a little better. Well... ok so the pressure in my chest went away. But I added on a headache and some dizziness and a stomach ache.

THEN: as I was out meeting a friend who just got back from spending 2 months in Europe, I realized both front tires on my car were flat. Came home and had my dad check them and he told me I need new tires. Awesome! I've had this car for a month and it already needs a doctor. That added to my headache.

So I have been in bed all afternoon/evening and it's just depressing. So to get me out of this funk... I have to think about the things I am looking forward to and it makes me a little happier. :)

Things I'm looking forward to:
- going to the fair with some of my small group girls on Friday to watch more of my small group girls in their cheer competition.
- going to the fair on Sunday because: it is free, my dad is running in the 5K, and I'm hanging out with Miss Erica Purdy there... the last time I will see her before she becomes a Mrs.
- small group overnighter... long overdue... excited to get all of my girls together again
- moving back to Bethel: so it's like a month away... but... it's going to be DIFFERENT and for that... I am excited!

God Speaks

2010-07-18T23:56:00.004-04:00

This morning at church one of the girls that I had in my cabin group for camp came up to me and gave me a little note. The note read as followed:

"She can deal with stress and carry heavy burdens. She smiles when she feels like screaming. She sings when she feels like crying. She cries when she's happy and laughs when she is afraid. Her love is unconditional. There is only 1 thing wrong with her... she forgets what she's worth."

At the bottom of the note she wrote that this was a text forward she received and God laid me on her heart to share it with me. Crazy thing is... this is me in a nutshell. And the crazy thing is... this was from a student. And the crazy thing is... this student hasn't really known me longer than this summer.

2 things came to mind when I read this:
1.) God often uses other people to speak Truth into my life. This time, He used a student as His tool.
2.) I know this is me, a me that I have known for a very long time. Where do I go from here?

In my previous post about camp, i talked about how I really struggled with who I am as a leader at ChicaGO and at camp. It is easy for me to point out my weaknesses. It is not easy for me to fix them. Tonight I handed over those feelings of inadequacy. It's time for me to look to I AM for my strength, for my confidence, and for a more pure reflection of who I am in His eyes.

Embrace the DIFFERENT, Make a DIFFERENT-ce

2010-07-14T12:26:00.002-04:00

Last night I got home from spending 5 days with 200 + Sr. High students and leaders at Beulah Beach Camp in Ohio. Now that I am home, I'm tired but I'm trying to relax and get rested up. While I do that, I am processing through camp and the things that God laid on my heart.

The first is that I need to embrace the DIFFERENT that I am. This is one that I have had a really hard time with for the past year, when I started working with Sr. High. I knew that moving up to Sr. High from Jr. High would be a huge transition for me. Not because of the students, but because of the other leaders. I knew I was leaving a group of leaders who were more my age, to a group of leaders who were there when I was in the youth group. Leaders that I looked up to and respected (and still do). Now I am one of them. But so many times I look at them and just feel so unqualified. So many times I have tried to be the leaders that I have had, but I can't. I wrestled with this a lot at ChicaGO and I didn't understand why I was even there. And I brought that to camp this year and wrestled through it even more. And that's when God simply told me that I am DIFFERENT, I was made to be DIFFERENT, and I just need to trust Him and embrace the DIFFERENT that I am.

The second is that I am called to GO out and make a DIFFERENT-ce. Of course... I have known that for a really long time, but I think I got a huge slap in the face this week. Actually it happened Monday morning, as we were watching "To Save A Life." That's the second time that I have watched the movie, but God really rocked my world. This movie so perfectly depicts the lost, the hurting, the lonely. This group of people is one that God has given me a huge passion for. That's why I'm a small group leader. That's why I am a psychology major. I am called to help give those people reason to live. And as I processed through that movie and my passions, God broke me. There are people in my life who are lost, hurting, lonely, and I have become so apathetic and maybe even angry that they are feeling that way. God broke me. The word "intential" has been continually flashing through my mind since then. I need to be more intential with the relationships that I have in my life and I need to be more intential about making a DIFFERENT-ce for the cause of the Kingdom.

Through the processing, my biggest prayer is this:
"God, continue to break my heart for what breaks Yours and give me Your eyes so I can see everything that I have been missing."
It's GO time!

DIFFERENT

2010-07-07T11:16:00.002-04:00

It's camp week. Jr. High is in Ohio right now & God is bringing the fire (maybe that's why it is so hot their?) Sr. High leaves for Ohio on Friday morning and I am soooooo excited for this camp. Possibly more so than any other camp I have been a part of... even as a student. The theme: DIFFERENT.

Before my mind even got a chance to think about camp (I wasn't even planning on being able to go), "different" seemed to be a theme for my summer. It's a very different kind of summer for me. I have a job. I have been on two trips already. And things with friends and family have been changing a lot. "Different" just seems to be the most satisfying word to describe it all.

So I leave for camp on Friday and I'm ready to embrace a "different" kind of camp with a "different" kind of excitement and a "different" kind of readiness.

Just Because It's Fun

2010-07-02T12:04:00.003-04:00

1.) Put your iTunes on shuffle
2.) For each question, press the next button to get your answer
3.) YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!!!

- If someone says "is this okay" you say?
"Please don't leave me" - Pink

- What would best describe your personality?
"Straight Up" - Paula Abdul

- What do you like in a guy/girl?
"Mirror" - BarlowGirl

- How do you feel today?
"The Slam" - TobyMac

- What is your life's purpose?
"Masquerade" - Phantom of the Opera

- What is your motto?
"Hosanna" - Selah

- What do your friends think of you?
"Made to love" - TobyMac

- What do you think about often?
"Change a Heart, Change the World" - Jump5

- What is 2 + 2?
"Wild One" - Faith Hill

- What do you think of your best friend?
"You Make Me Feel Like a Star" - The Beu Sisters

- What do you think of the person you like?
"Top of the World" - Mandy Moore

- What is your life story?
"Love Song for a Savior" - Jars of Clay

- What do you want to be when you grow up?
"Number One" - S Club

- What do you think when you see the person you like?
"True to Your Heart" - Raven

- What do your parents think of you?
"You're the One That I Want" - Grease

- What will you dance to at your wedding?
"Live For You" - Desperation Band

- What will they play at your funeral?
"You Never Let Go" - Matt Redman

- What is your hobby/interest?
"Here We Go" - N*Sync

- What is your biggest secret?
"Something On My Mind" - Hawk Nelson

- What do you think of your friends?
"Talk About It" - Nicole C. Mullen

- What is the worst thing that could happen?
"Bad" - Michael Jackson

- How will you die?
"You Alone" - David Crowder Band

- What is the one thing that you regret?
"Take it or Leave it" - Rent

- What makes you laugh?
"Contageous" - ZoeGirl

- What makes you cry?
"Me Against The Music" - Brittney Spears & Madonna

- Will you ever get married?
"Lucky" - Brittney Spears

- What scares you the most?
"Everything" - Stacie Orrico

- Does anyone like you?
"On My Own" - Glee

- If you could go back in time what would you change?
"Shout Unto God" - Michael W. Smith

- What hurts right now?
"God must have spent a little more time on you" - N*Sync

"In Me"

2010-07-01T23:46:00.002-04:00

As I process through some happenings of the week, through where I am at in my life, and through what my future might hold... this is the song that resonates in my heart:

"If you asked me to leap
Out of my boat on the crashing waves,
If you asked me to go
Preach to a lost world that Jesus saves

I'll go but I cannot go alone
'Cause I know that I'm nothing on my own
But the power of Christ in me makes me strong
Makes me strong

'Cause when I'm weak You make me strong
When I'm blind You shine Your light on me
'Cause I'll never get by living on my own ability
How refreshing to know You don't need me
How amazing to find that You want me
So I'll stand by Your truth and I'll fight with Your strength
Until You bring a victory
By the power of Christ in me

If You ask me to run
and carry Your light into foreign land
If You ask me to fight
Deliver Your people from Satan's hand

I'll go but I cannot go alone
'Cause I know I'm nothing on my own
But the power of Christ in me makes me strong
Makes me strong

'Cause when I'm weak You make me strong
When I'm blind You shine Your light on me
'Cause I'll never get by living on my own ability
How refreshing to know You don't need me
How amazing to find that You want me
So I'll stand on Your truth and I'll fight with Your strength
Until You bring a victory
By the power of Christ in me

To reach out with Your hands
To learn through Your eyes
To love with the love of a Savior
To feel with Your heart
and to think with Your mind
I'd give my last breath for Your glory

'Cause when I'm weak You make me strong
When I'm blind You shine Your light on me
'Cause I'll never get by living on my own ability

When I'm weak You make me strong
When I'm blind You shine Your light on me
'Cause I'll never get by living on my own ability
How refreshing to know You don't need me
How amazing to find that You want me
So I'll stand on Your truth and I'll fight with Your strength
Until You bring a victory
By the power of Christ in me"

- "In Me" - Casting Crowns

Oh Happiness...

2010-06-28T23:36:00.002-04:00

I don't really have anything profound to blog about... but i'm in a blogging mood and haven't updated since GO... soooo... here goes...

GO reflections:
- The first couple days in Chicago we were surrounded by a festival full of people who live very different lifestyles than we do... i found myself broken
- This was my first GO trip as a leader... I was stretched and challenged in a variety of different ways as a leader... i came out stronger as a leader
- I watched as God stretched, challenged, and broke 44 students and 8 other leaders in conversations with complete strangers all around Chicago
- Now that we are back... I get to watch students grow from their perspectives gained in Chicago. I get to watch them put what they learned into practice with their lost or spiritually struggling friends and family members. I get to hear some awesome God stories because of their obedience.
- Obedience = Success
- With God all things are possible!
- Thanks to Chris... David Crowder's song "Oh Happiness" will forever be stuck in my head.

In The Past Week Or So...

2010-06-09T22:51:00.002-04:00

In the past week or so I...
... watched my baby brother make a not so baby decision - he's married!
... wrote approximately 70 cards for students & leaders leaving for Haiti.
... got a job.
... bought my very first car.
... went to our last two GO meetings...

In the next two days I will...
... be up & out at the church @ 4 AM to see the Haiti team off tomorrow
... do laundry
... pack
... do last minute shopping
... have lunch with Kayla Koontz... PUMPED!
... spend my whole day Friday in Fort Wayne with Rachel Jones a.k.a. my Twin!
... probably post another blog about the trip I am going on... ChicaGO 2010... woot!

"Maggie Moments"

2010-05-30T21:54:00.005-04:00

I finally got my hands on the book "Take Your Best Shot" written by Austin Gutwein, a boy who, at the age of 9 years old, started Hoops of Hope in an effort to raise money to support kids who have been orphaned to AIDS in Africa. Austin, now 15 or 16, came to NMC at the beginning of the school year to share his vision with the youth group, a dream that he has been chasing after since he experienced his "Maggie moment."

Definition of "Maggie moment" in my own words: A story & a face that captures your heart and turns your world upside down, so much so that you cannot possibly live the same ever again. For Austin, it was a girl named Maggie, who lost all of her relatives to AIDS, accept for her great-grandmother, who took her in, had no money & no food.

I read the first chapter tonight. At the end of the chapter, Austin asks readers if they have experienced their own "Maggie moments." Faces from all three missions trips I have been on flashed in my mind. These are my "Maggies":

Adalene: The first kid our IMPACT team met in Mexico in 2007. She came from a messed up family. She was crazy, often disobedient, but she clinged to so many of us and broke our hearts with her beautiful smile. After we left, we found out that her family was trying to get rid of her because her mom was pregnant again and she couldn't put up with Adalene anymore. When I went back in the summer of 2009, Adalene and her family moved away. I will never see her again. She will forever be a part of me though.

Estella: This girl made that IMPACT trip scary, interesting, and taught us what spiritual warfare was all about. Known for her demonic behaviors, she was pretty much shunned from the community and the church. By the end of our trip, she was at the church. Unfortunately, I was told after we left that she went back to her old way of life. I still believe in a God who overcomes evil. I still believe there is hope for her.

Jaqueline: My trip back to Mexico in 2009 was full of new experiences and new faces. Many more churches were added. In our visit to this one, this girl caught my eye. I don't know her story, but her face is the one that pops into my head when I think about that trip. When I go back, and I am going back (sometime) maybe I will get a chance to hear her story.

Vanesa and Wanda are both DR stories, both mentioned in previous blog posts.

After thinking through these names, I thought about here at home. I do have "Maggie moments" from here that have completely changed who I am and how I think. These "Maggies" come out of my small group that I have spent the past school year investing my time and energy in. I can't share names or specific situations, but I can share that I have dealt with things that I never had dealt with in the past, things that I never wished to deal with, but through that I got to see God's grace and mercy, love and healing power come over my girls in ways that, honestly, I never thought possible. This year I learned more from my girls. Probably more than they learned from me.

My "Maggies" come from all over the world, and because of their stories, I can't live the same. And I'm praying for many more "Maggie moments" because I never want to settle for where I am at.

The DR - The Fun, The Funny, & The Simply Amazing

2010-05-25T11:05:00.005-04:00

The highlights:

- I'm sorta clumsy. Not even 5 minutes into our bus ride from Bethel to O'hare I managed to spill my coffee on me. THEN... on our flight from Miami to Santiago I was thirsty, so I got a ginger ale. All was going well... i had my little desk thing out which was covered with my journal, MaxQ, cards, and my drink... and then things took a fatal turn. (not the plane, just my arm). Yup... ginger ale ALL OVER my lap. It was awesome, and smelled like pee. Thank goodness I was wearing black shorts!!! As a result... I have made a rule for myself for the rest of my plane life... i'm no longer allowed to get drinks!

- Hello no speed limit. Our first cultural experience... the ride from the Santiago airport to the base in Jarabacoa... I had the window seat in the van... it was raining... and i have no clue how fast we were going but it was very speedy. This picture might speak that truth a little.

- Our first day at our site we spent most of the time walking about the community. I spared the gruesome pictures... but we had the wonderful opportunity to see exactly how the chicken went from happily alive to being prepared to eat. We ate chicken a lot.

- El Bano: yup... this was our bathroom at our site. I used it once, just to get the full cultural experience. But oh there were some great stories that came out of there. For example, the night we arrived in the DR, they told us that during rainy season, frogs usually show up in the bathrooms & showers. HA! One day Lisa went in to go to the bathroom and as she was grabbing the toilet paper something fell out into her hand. A FROG! (a good sized one at that). I guess she screamed like 5 times... we never heard her. THEN Caroline went in to go to the bathroom soon after, saw the frog, and ran out. She refused to go. So I went in to save the day. I grabbed the frog and threw it in the neighbors yard. Good times.

- Naked Franklin: don't be fooled, he has clothes. Franklin lived right next to the social work site, so we saw him everyday. He starts out the day fully clothed; by the end of the day he looks like this. Not gonna lie, he was a cutie.

- One day I spent my siesta making this for one of the ladies that comes to the site. Isn't it sweet!?!

- Our Saturday morning in the DR was spent at the waterfall... coincidently the same waterfall that the impact teams from my church have gone to. It was beautiful! It was hot! I got burnt - go figure. And the hike back up the mountain was killer. Totally worth it though. And have I mentioned I'm a bit clumsy. Not even 2 minutes into our hike back up, I found a hidden mud hole and had to hike with this nastiness all over me all the way up. AWESOME!

- One of the nights a worship band from one of the churches in the area came and did a concert for us. It was an awesome night! I love worship in a different language!!!

- We ate 2 meals in the community while we were there. This was the family we had supper with. We had rice, chicken, onions, these yummy potato/french fry tasting things, and plantains.

We ate lunch in the community the second week with a different family. We had rice, beans, chicken, salad, and potato salad.

These families were awesome for cooking for us!

- Wanda: she is so special she gets to be featured in 2 blog posts. Lisa really wanted her hair done by someone in the DR, so she asked Wanda if she would be willing to come do it during siesta time. Lisa and Lindsey ended up both getting their hair done on Thursday, then I saw how awesome it looked and really wanted it done, so she came back Friday during siesta to do mine. We all payed her for it. Friday night at the banquet Caroline told us the huge significance of Wanda being the one that we asked to do this. Wanda is one of the girls at the site who has really struggled with her self-value and self-esteem and so to be asked to do this was a huge confidence booster for her. Also her family has been struggling financially, so to pay her for it helps with that. Caroline told us that she was going to ask Wanda if she would braid hair for all of the teams that come this summer, which is awesome and I hope that works out because Wanda is an awesome girl!

- Rain fun: our last day at the site it rained a lot. I was playing monkey in the middle with these two girls out on the back patio because it was raining, then they decided that they didn't care it was raining, so they took the ball from me and ran out in the pouring rain. And what can I say, i'm still a kid a heart, so of course I ran out there with them. I got soaked, but it was so worth it. *sigh* i miss those times!

- I caught a lizard!!! One of my goals for the 2 weeks we were there was to catch a lizard, because we saw them all the time. I tried many times and I failed. BUT, Friday, our last day at the site, as we were walking out, there was a lizard on the wall. I snuck up behind it and totally caught it. Not just the tail, the whole thing! I'm sad I don't have a picture of it, but I was so proud of myself!

The DR - Kids In Need

2010-05-20T23:10:00.003-04:00

This was my 3rd missions trip. The first two were to Mexico where the focus was on kids in need. For this trip, I really had no clue what to expect. But one major difference between this trip and my Mexico trips was the year leading up to it. Last summer, at camp, the youth group decided to take a year to seriously address the issue of Kids In Need; to Gain Awareness, Give Sacrificially, & Live Differently. Being a leader in the youth group did not exempt me from joining in that effort, both as a group and individually.

The following is something I journaled on Sunday night, the day after I got back home:

Being home now, there is a lot to process through and pray about. God is a BIG God and never seizes to amaze me in the ways He works. I went into the trip with K.I.N. in the back of my mind - simply asking God to break my heart for what breaks His. He did just that. I was surrounded by Kids In Need the entire two weeks I was there. Kids whose families have very little money. Kids who have little hope for a better future. Kids who do not have parents who love and care about them. Kids who are out playing in the streets all day, doing whatever they want because nobody cares where they are. Kids who are in need of a loving, gracious God. I was blessed to have them be a part of my life during my 2 weeks there. I saw God in the broken, the poor, the lost, the hopeless - the least of these. I was God in the eyes of the children running around barefoot or with no clothes on, all around the community. I saw God in the eyes of the teenage girls who are just regular teens, seeking out the love and affirmation from others to feel valued. I saw God in the eyes of the young married women who begin to give their lives away at the age as young as 15. I saw God in the eyes of the older women who are doing everything they can to get through this life. To provide for themselves and their kids, and still continue to have joy for all that God has provided them. God broke me. I'm not the same person that I was when I left for the DR.

My life is changed. During our debrief time on Thursday night we were asked to come up with 3 snapshots of the trip. Several popped into mind, some more meaningful than others. 2 of them really hit the K.I.N. thing hard.

1.) Vanesa: One afternoon, while leaving our site for the day, I saw Vanesa (picture below) sitting against the wall in the dirt, dressed in raggy clothes, hair a mess, barefoot, alone, with her big puppy-dog eyes. This is the image that now sticks with me when I think of Kids In Need. I don't have a picture of the image that i described, but she is the most gorgeous girl that I saw the two weeks I was there.

2.) Wanda: Lisa and I went to Wanda's house to clean one morning. The whole point of doing this was for us to see how the people in this community do things differently than us. Their broom was made of weeds. WEEDS. They wring their mop out with their hands. I'm not sure what my facial expression was on my face as I watched her do it, but it could not have been pleasant. Either way... that's how they do things. They work with what they have. I'm just a spoiled American girl.

I'm still processing through a lot of things. Being home only makes me miss being there more. I see everything differently now. I'm going to be looking into possibilities of returning sometime in the near future. Until then... those kids will be in my prayers daily.

The DR - Social Work

2010-05-19T09:14:00.004-04:00

I left for the DR thinking that I was just going to be paired with one other girl from my team at the social work site, but then found out that another girl was joining us from our team. Lisa is in the yellow, Lindsey is beside her. From the time that we landed in Santiago on Monday night the three of us immediately started bonding and connecting and it just turned out to be an awesome trip with them. We are all different, but that's good because we each brought something different to the table. I'm glad I got to share my experiences with them and now I have 2 new friends because of it!

These two beautiful ladies are Daisy and Caroline, our site leaders. I was truly blessed to have them be a part of my life the 2 weeks we were there. They encouraged us, they poured into our lives, and it was just awesome to watch them work and interact with the girls and women at the site. There was one thing that I knew I could always expect Daisy to say to me every day: "Alisa, you need to use more Spanish." to which I would reply "Daisy, you need to use more English." (jokingly of course)Seriously, I love them and they have awesome life stories and I'm excited to see what God still has in store for them and this site.

I don't think there was any other site that I would have rather been at than this one. Being at the social work site really opened my eyes to the culture and how the people live on a daily basis.

The way the site works is this: every morning we would come in to the site and one person would be assigned to pray for the community, the teams, the sites, and the SI leaders. We then would go through the plan for the day and get ready for the Bible studies and crafts. There are 6 different groups that come in on a certain day at a certain time during the week. Each time they come in they either do a Bible study, craft, or both. When there wasn't a group at the site, we were usually out doing home visits with some of the ladies, which was awesome to step inside their homes and experience those cultural differences. And of course we had siesta time everyday... from like 12:00 to 1:30 to just relax.

We worked with a group of 3-5 year old girls and with them we colored and we painted nails and made bracelets and had a blast because these girls are just adorable and you want nothing else but to love on them!

There were 2 different groups of elementary school aged girls that came to the site. One group, in the picture above, was far more crazy than the other group, and i loved it. Working with younger kids is not something that I could do all the time, but it is something that I always look forward to when I go on trips. In this particular picture, we were playing a sort of dodgeball game that they play. And in this particular picture, the girls are taunting us, thinking that we don't know how to play dodgeball. Long story short... the Dominican girls won.

Another group that I was really excited to work with was the teens, simply because that's where my passion is. And they were definitely teenagers. Loud, lots of attitude, and just fun and crazy. I guess it was a good substitute since I was gone for my final two small groups at church. My favorite memory of this group are by far our introductions. The girls wanted to do it "runway" style and so each girl came in one by one struttin her stuff and posing while everybody else went crazy in the background. And then of course we had to do it too. Ha. Good times! Crazy teenage girls! :)

This is the young "married" womens group. These women are also full of attitude but they were awesome. I actually did one of my Bible studies with them.

And finally, this is the older womens group. It was interesting for me to work with them just because I think adults intimidate me but these women were simply amazing and I sat in awe so many times about how authentic their praise was to God regardless of how little they had, their life situations, etc.

I miss the site. I miss my team. All around awesome experience!

The DR - El Callejon

2010-05-18T09:48:00.003-04:00

Everyday when we went to our ministry sites, the teams split off into different communities. My site (social work), as well as a couple others (art & preschool), are located in a small community known as El Callejon. It is made of 2 dirt roads lined with little homes built with whatever materials were available at the time. Most houses are shacks, a couple are nicer, but from what I saw and heard, El Callejon is the poorest community represented among all of the S.I. sites in the Dominican. On one side of the community there is a wall set up. The people who live on the other side of the wall are more well off and they did not want to have to look at this poor community so they put the wall up to separate them. Literally translated, El Callejon means "dead end street," and this is where most people living there find themselves emotionally, economically, and just in a total life sense. Many people are simply hopeless there. I saw it. It broke me.

This is kind of how the families are set up there: The fathers/husbands (if they are still around), work outside of the community. Some actually stay where they work during the week and only come back on the weekends. The mothers/wifes stay in the community and their job is to cook and clean for herself and for the kids. The kids go to school (some of them), for part of the day, and when they are not at school, they are out playing on the streets, hanging out with the students at the art site, or hanging out at the social work site. It was rare for me to ever see a parent with their kids, even kids as young as 3.
*important note: many of the couples there say that they are "married" and they get "married" young, some as young as 15. But their "married" = our cohabitation. There is no ceremony or anything. They just move in together and start a family. It's a cultural thing. There are only a few couples in the community who are legally married. This whole "marriage" situation results in lots of sleeping around in the community. lots of unfaithful husbands and wives. Lots of broken families. The kids see all of this. That is what they have to look forward to when they get older.